Why?

Why, often the bastard child query of our intellectual pursuits, is usually forgotten due to the difficulty it presents.  No less important then the what, when, who, or how, the why is often absent in our textbooks, unbroached in the classroom, and avoided in our conversations.  I suspect that this is because it is a topic driven by overarching motive or reasons, which in many cases being undeclared can be very much up to interpretation or conjecture.  It also is the beginning of assigning purpose or meaning to things, many of which have none.  But I think logically, the why can be uncovered in most situation. So let me begin my blogging by paying a mental visit to the neglected why.

When I set out to create this blog my first thought was, "Why?"  Why in the hell are you setting out to write a blog when there is such a glut of blogs, the majority neglected and unread?  More apt would have been to title my blog "One Of Many".  Such is a downside of our modern times, where it is now so easy for everyone to have a voice.  A virtual room where potentially billions are talking makes it very hard to hear or be heard.  It is extremely unrealistic to hope to be heard amongst the noise being put out today, especially on a blog written by a nobody buried deep in the bowels of the Internet.  Although it's always nice to know people are listening, and we all have this deep need to be heard and understood, this cannot be the driving 'why' of my endeavor.

Be they unvisited and unread, as they are likely to be, at least they will have allowed me the mental exercise in working out my thoughts;  distilling the twirling mass of ideas that are constantly spinning about in my head space. So here you will find my head space and my attempt to explore it. I do not guarantee that it will all be accurate, or even revelatory. But I will strive to make it true to my current intellectual path and hopefully insightful and entertaining.  I'm aware that what I write here is a representation of my inner head space, and as such will tend toward self indulgence.  I'm also aware that pretentious is very close to profound in the dictionary.  I will do my best to avoid both self indulgence and pretension, most likely with little success.

So back to the realistic why of my creating this blog in light of my likeliness to be one of the many bloggers to live and die in silent anonymity.  The sustaining why, as touched on earlier, is for it to be a dumping place for the thoughts that tease upon my mind via the exercise of writing.  As an exercise, writing has always helped me lay logic to intuition.  Writing for a supposed audience helps to solidify ideas along defensible and logical pathways.  Also, it will serve as an outlet for things that I think and feel that are difficult to share/discuss in normal conversation. These are typically thoughts and topics that most people don't want to entertain in normal conversation, maybe too intimate or offensive.  Acceptable conversations lean toward the trivial or the twitterpating (titillating).  Most casual conversation is dominated by the who, the what, and the when, even how sometimes.  Waxing deep and talking about the why is often shunned and uneasy.  Facebook is not the place to reveal your deeper thoughts, especially on the why, unless you want to lose friends, be labelled a weirdo, and judged out of touch with how people in our society are supposed to communicate.  

Being a bit shy and lacking somewhat in the skills of human interaction, I find most everyday conversations to be trivial and mundane. At my most extreme self criticism I suck at conversation and heeding social cues, especially when the headcount exceeds the number two.  In real life I rarely speak my mind in a group because either I really have nothing to add to the pointless palaver, or I fear the embarrassment as I might trip clumsily over my own weakly expressed thoughts.  I was very shy as a kid, feeling intimidated and judged in the company of others.  I was sensitive, maybe overly so. I have always been socially quiet, maybe due to my inability to effectively communicate my thoughts within verbal conversation. Oversensitive to the cues and stimuli involved in the act of human interaction, all of these nonverbal concomitants would flood in, overwhelming and distracting my brain.  I have always been a conversational weakling, but I do think and feel deeply. Maybe because of that weakness it all turns inward.  Being a bit neglected as a child on the personal attention and interaction front, I've always held a deep insecure belief that the world did not want to listen, more importantly, pay attention to what I had to say.  This is my outlet of communication that may just drive that point home and put it to bed.  

Welcome to my little corner, where I am free to express my inner weirdo to a world that does not listen.  If you've read this far, thank you for proving me wrong.

Anyway, that is the why of this blog.  I hope, in my blogsploration of the many other topics that lend fascination to me, that I will always attempt to include the 'why' among the usual lineup of suspects.

As a seeker, an explorer, I question incessantly, and my favorite question is why.  I think to find meaning, in what could very likely turn out to be a meaningless existence. The famous phrase, "Ours is not to question why, ours is but to do and die"  is the exact opposite of my mental mantra.  Mine is to live and question, and enjoy a richer life in the process.