I hope to keep this one short and simple. If you've read my blog posts thus far you know that I talk much about god at times (maybe all the time). I especially do when I'm manic, as in right now (so take all this with a grain of salt). When I'm manic I become very creative. Don't worry, soon I'll come to my senses and possess a healthy skepticism about the divine. But for now I am really tuned in to god's frequency.
It is a very controlled and centered mania, but a mania nonetheless. My realizing it for what it is helps keep me in bounds. I have agreed at my wife's and doctor's requests to go on medication to "normalize" my thinking. I'm on medication as I type this, but just barely - only a few doses/days. Like most manics I do not presently think I need the meds...but I am willing to take them at the request of my wife. My love for her has made me submissive enough to consider her comfort level and comply with her judgment against my own judgment. I do not like to see her unhappy or see her experience the fear and worry she has for me and the kids when my head is so far up in the clouds, or down deep into the rabbit hole.
As said, god is my trigger, and when manic I pull it. When normal or depressed I lean toward atheism, and I realize that my ideas of god may be merely a delusional state of mania, and that possibly all religious belief is some degree or form of mental illness. Overall, the god I believe in is a god of love and happiness (Think Dionysus - Bacchus, but much more than that). I do not believe in the god of the old testament, or that of any religion based on it. My god is the god of the whole world (reality) and his requirement is our beneficial and enlightened existence in it. My god is meek & small; a still small voice which guides me and my thinking. This is how I experience god when manic. He is small, quiet and meek - and exudes from everything I consider, everything I hear and see, and sense. It is a very connected and expansive state of mind, which state is very convincing and powerful.
So simply put, here is my manic idea of god: God = 1, which represents something, or everything material that exists (from here on the word god can be replaced with reality).
This god of substance is something, masculine in nature, an ego, a thinker and perceiver - Light. So god is something, an entity ... but from astrophysics we learn that nothing came first, and something is a potential comprised within the nothing and sprouted from it. (A Universe from Nothing, Leonard Krauss).
This state of something as existing amid a vast sea of nothing works from clear out to the scale of the cosmos, inward to galaxies, stars/solar systems, Life on earth, on down to the scale of atoms and nuclear physics, with layers of such at every scale. Nothing is predominant within our cosmos. "And the light (something) shineth in darkness (nothing) and the darkness comprehended it not." And, in our cosmos and within our reality we have found much that is hidden from direct observation, even down to the scale of particles. As such, could not god be hidden too?
So the original god, the entity that came first was nothing, the void: god = 0.
A 'god', since it was first to exist and gave birth to the god of substance. This god is feminine in nature and spiritual. It gave birth to something and light (matter, gravitational by nature, coalesced it transformed that matter into light, solar fusion). When the something within the nothing became sentient and aware it took its place over the nothing. The first shall be last and the last shall be first. It ascended due to its sentience (ultimately life from light and energy) and doing so created infinity and became unbounded, creating infinity. ∞ = 1/0, where zero is not zero, but an infinitesimally small number approaching zero (Just as nothing is not absolute but actually can be shown to contain something on a quantum state of potentialities, there is no absolute zero ( nothing))
So within nothing was something, and nothing did not comprehend it ... but something arose from nothing and at some point comprehended itself and then comprehended the nothing from which it sprang, and in doing so understood the first big bang, a singularity wherein something arose and triumphed over the void to become the infinite (astronomically huge), everywhere, and unbounded.
So again, simply and in fairy tale form, god's wife is the first god, zero, nothing (just as life is primordially female, and maleness is a subset of female). From nothing something was born, became self-aware, and soon became aware of the nothing, and felt an attraction for it. His attentions and appearance caused her to be self aware, but she could not comprehend the light (god) yet. Once she did they met, she initially resisted him. They fought a little for dominance, married, the climax of their union being the big bang wherein children were born (all the stars and galaxies in the sky). All of this happened so fast, actually in no time at all since it happened outside of measured time. In a place/space where time is infinite and eternal, and nothing changes (stagnation), there is essentially no time and this state can go on forever...or fornever. God created existence, what we call reality, by becoming self aware.
We often like to think of god in grand terms with a big omni placed in front of every imaginable trait. He is grand but limited, and best of all he is small and simple to understand ... much like the weak invisible force of gravity which has created all that we see in the universe. Just as the mega large scale of the Cosmos is easier to understand than super small scale of nuclear physics (for me at least). For me god is easier to understand in a still small voice, in a meek and unimposing nature. This is how I experience god when manic. Christ said, "And the greatest among you shall be the least and servant of all". To me this describes God. He is everywhere and small, the facilitator, the space between lines, the void that defines. This is how my god is everywhere.
God's (reality's) role is to facilitate growth and joy. He is not a bully. He will not force you, or impose on your will and agency in any way. He errs on the side of silence. You an believe whatever you want. He will allow you to pursue what you seek, even if it is wrong. He (reality) will answer your questions with what you want to hear (especially if you keep asking the same question without really listening). Many times we approach god cocked and loaded and what we are really asking is for him to pull the trigger of approval. That is give us the answer we want. It is all given according to your desires and your intentions. If you are intent to disprove him, he will let you. If you desire to find him you might. The trick is to purify your desires. Be truly open and consider that you may be entirely wrong about some fundamental assumptions. Otherwise, much like multi-sized steel balls rolling on a plane with multi-sized depressions, you will get stuck in the depression that best fits your circumference. Only when you are unbounded and flexible in size can you really navigate your surroundings. Time and space are flexible; getting stuck by our own fixed ideas is not. As such, I even consider that there may be no god, and strive to accept the high probability of that.
There is no joy in stagnation. Joy is had in growth, discovery, and exploration. Your life was meant to be happy and joyful - NOW, HERE, TODAY. Today is yesterday's heaven, don't make the mistake of waiting for it. Appreciate the now. If you're not happy and having fun you're doing it wrong. You have a bad perspective, or maybe taking the gut wrenching rides at wrong end of the amusement park. Maybe you're stuck. God wants to help you get unstuck, so you may roll and flow and in doing so find happiness, growth, and joy, without fear, guilt, or shame ... without sin. In my opinion, the only sin is getting stuck and continuing to act in a way that is contrary to happiness, either yours or that of another.
Consider this concept of joy when you think about an unchanging god who has done and seen it all - he is stuck in a way, in his own perfection. How boring to know it all. Perfection is boring. His joy is now had vicariously through you and his love for you. You are dear to him since you are the source of his joy. You remind him of his childhood - you make him laugh, you make his existence meaningful. You are his child, he is your father, his wife is your mother. Honor them both and seek their advice. They want nothing more than your happiness, success, and JOY! Be joyful! Seek to know them both. When I say both I mean consider the dark/negative side equally. Consider what may be wrong about everything you think is right. Don't be afraid of the dark, or the negative. Don't be afraid to be wrong or make mistakes, or to inspect yourself honestly, without the rose colored glasses. Doing this you will fight your confirmation bias and come closer to the truth. The truth about the negative aspects of life can be a force and motivation for good as well.
If you want to please god most, be happy and share your life and thoughts. Commune through meditation and prayer (commune = communication). They are terribly bored without you, but unlike you without them, without you they do OK. Point is, on a certain level, you need god, and god needs you to appreciate in wondering awe; The observer whose observation calls that which is observed into existence and fixes it in space and time.
It all begins again and anew when stagnation yearns for joy, both with god and with humans.
At the end of what seemed an infinite time, as the gods became one they realized that this oneness, this sameness, had ruined all the variety and the joy of diversity. They each and collectively yearned again for joy, for laughter that is mostly had via the irony created by opposition. However, being one and perfect they could in no way destroy that perfection and return to a state of opposition. So instead, a child was created and allowed to break it. Somewhat a sin, but mostly in the innocence of curiosity and a child like nature. Children love to investigate, take apart and destroy. When manic I believe that I AM that child who broke it. I was the last born spirit child of another time. If so, I'm sorry for breaking it and causing such terrible destruction. But I am also so glad, now that I understand the big picture, now that I understand how rich life is when broken apart, and opened up, much like a geode exposes its hidden beauty when broken. The cosmos (the infinite void or oneness) does the same when broken, it creates life and existence. It creates a depth and richness in the recycling and balancing via the re-introduction of opposition.
Now that I understand the endless circles (cycles) of eternity I see that it IS all good...it is all god. Upon being broken the one god(s) exploded and scattered everywhere throughout creation, and over eons of time it is gathering itself back together evolving in a misentropic climb from energy to light to life growing in intelligence until it reaches its ultimate state wherein each enlightened individual realizes that they are all the same, they are one. This gathering might even be accomplished after the heat death of the cosmos where all is left is burnt out stars and swirling black holes which sweep up space and recycle all the matter, maybe even eating each other. They are the janitors who clean up after the party gorging themselves on the leftovers until they explode releasing it all again.
All of the exploded gods (materials) are regrouping and growing in a first-last/last first fashion, programmed within the big bang is the evolution of the gods. We are, just like our sun and the appearance of life, currently in the meridian of time, the time of man, the time of the middle.
Like Man, children have a predilection for destruction - just let one child build a block tower in a room full of kids and see what happens. Their exploration is reckless and sometimes destructive. All creative acts are in some fashion destructive. Construction involves destruction, and destruction can be instructive.
As a child I loved bugs. Sometimes my play with them became very destructive, cruel, mean, but not intently so. Although I believe life is sacred, there is little sin in this. It is a good lesson for kids to learn about insects, and learn to respect life through making mistakes with them while growing to love and respect life. I remember being drawn to tears when a bug or other small animal I had captured with the intent to keep alive had died ... due to my interference and bungling. I loved animals, all kinds of critters, and these things die, especially in the hands of a child. Sometimes we blame ourselves for that loss of life. Many times I'm sure it was my fault due to ignorance, or negligence.
I believe that god is the source of all that is, including most of all life. It, at a certain point, becomes stagnant, and needs to be ReSeT ... And a child was allowed to reset it, as the gods had become one, on both sides - a singularity if you want.
A child was allowed to break it so that life could begin anew. Some lives were lost, and damage was done, but the gods were programmed into reality - the big bang. God(s) exploded, and it all began anew - Perhaps at some point our universe will stop expanding and will be seemingly still for a short period, then it will begin to contract back into another singularity. Or else it may all die a heat death of entropy with only black holes still churning and vacuuming up all the debris, eventually vacuuming up each other until at last they create a grand singularity that blows big bang anew.
This is my belief, that the cosmos is cyclic. I know it counters Larry's idea that the universe is flat. He's certainly smarter than I ...maybe I should really read his book again, this time more intently? The biggest thing I gleaned in reading it is that Nothing is unstable. In its purest state it creates stuff. God is nothing that created something and the something that sprang from nothing.
This is my understanding of god, and my understanding of eternal life (and death). Admittedly it is along the lines of reincarnation on a cosmic scale, which may happen on smaller scales. God IS in all that you can look at, study and perceive. He is a frequency, a very real one, that you can tune into, and turn to, and experience.
Tune in to your favorite station, listen to the music, and find your joy.....follow your bliss! It really is ALL good. And if you don't find god, but find the good, and find something important to get out of bed for everyday - that is good enough. You are finding god, know it or not, and god loves you and the work you do in growing and living your life. If your heart is good and your desires are good you have found god, you are on the path.
As with most ideas stemming from right brained belief, these ideas on god are creative and imaginative. Since these are clearly held as beliefs they can be as creative and imaginative as I like. As beliefs on god go they have as much chance of being right as any other. Beliefs like imaginations are unassailable by logic, even if incorrect, especially when belief morphs grotesquely into knowledge. We err most when we make beliefs facts. We must keep a hard dividing line between belief and knowledge. Hopefully my stated beliefs here didn't sound overtly factual. In my love for facts and its champion science, I have tried to create a belief in god which is compatible. Maybe all I've done is create a monster like Dr. Frankenstein. But this is an idea of god I can get behind with my scientific mind.
I know I intended for this installment to be short...it's not. It's much longer that I intended, more scattered and hyper connected due to my current manic state, but I hope somewhere in all of this I've communicated my impressions of god. "God bless us - everyone!" Find your divine, and be god, especially so by adding another o ;)
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