Scientific Agnostic Theism (SAT) Church/Club

Irony: Many scientists are atheists, yet hard atheism as an ideological position is unscientific.  If you ever meet a scientist who tells you they are an hard line atheist, feel free to let them know that their approach violates the Scientific Method.

I find it curious that atheists usually tout the very thing that they violate by being atheist - A Scientific Approach. Science at its best is supposed to refrain from ultimate conclusions. Each "proven" theory is held tentatively with the possibility that it might be proven incorrect in the future - this is the strength of science. To draw ultimate conclusions on something that cannot be observed is unscientific. If god truly is an infinite being/intelligence, we may not be able to comprehend that with the logical human mind or observe that with science. Many scientists place far too much "faith" in the ability of intellectual inquiry to discover the truth of all reality without the profound realization that the very nature of our reality at its core is comprised of unobservable infinite components, thus unfathomable by science or the rational mind.  Our senses are limited as is our cognition.

No one follows a sage who deals in maybes.  Although I feel that Agnostics have the right approach, you should never hear an agnostic say, "Agnostics are Right!", especially when discussing the unknown. A true agnostic says, "Heck, I can't know".  A scientific agnostic theist, as I call myself, would add, "but I hope there's a point to all of this intricately organized and ordered stuff I'm observing, this finely tuned universe, this growth of complexity that defies the 2nd law of thermodynamics".   I do not believe that all I observe in the universe, all I observe in the miracle of life, all that I pursue within my own life of growth and education is an ultimate waste of time and energy. Yes, I said miracle but I use the term loosely.  Science still fails to explain the emergence of life from chemistry, or account for the trillions of years that emergence would theoretically take upon an Earth that is merely, by comparison, 4.5 billion years old. The evidence just as easily points to a higher intelligence at work as it does to the workings of natural causes, which I posit, may even be the very same thing. Ultimately it is my view that intellectually we will never discover the infinite (god), but we can approach it and make some pretty valuable discoveries. (A calculus joke).  

Just by our existence, and observance of the great diversity of living things, it is obvious that life is programmed into the equation of how the universe unfolds.  The universe has gone from a level of simple basic things to a very complex and varied system of order and interactions, and most of all sentience.  It is growing in complexity and diversity.  By this it seems to follow that there is possibility of an intelligence and sentience of greater depth and understanding than what humans - simian lifeforms - apes, are capable of achieving.

Sure, there is a case of absence of evidence of such an intelligence, and this DOES provide evidence of absence (contrary to the famous platitude), but maybe the experiment has been framed incorrectly on the faulty assumptions put forth by religious 'thinkers' (a term we must also use loosely) about who/what god really is.  Maybe god is absent or hidden from logical inquiry.  Could it be possible that god, if existent or extant, is not the god portrayed within the bible (or any other religious writings for that matter)...I think that is why almost all atheist have a problem with god..because the bible portrays him, for one thing, as a vengeful needy jerk who separates his 'chosen' people from all the rest of humanity.

Some people when they consider the Bible see a book containing the infallible word of god, written by his very finger...Others see it coming from God to lesser degrees. I see a book written by men thinking about god.  Men conceptualizing him anthropomorphically, and having him say things to benefit their particular sex, views, and culture (tribe). If you ask someone about the nature of god, and discuss that at any length what they will reveal to you is actually their perception of themselves.  All religious writings are basically this - an imagination of god(s) wrapped in the culture, or persons, describing "him" (a reflection or projection of them). 

To it's credit, the Bible contains some true gems of wisdom, and valid observations on human behavior and situations, but so does Greek mythology.  So it boils down to men thinking about stuff within a god based ideology and writing it down. I'm always for people thinking (and loving) and writing things down, it can produce some beautiful stuff, even when that thinking (or love) is misguided.

So do I not believe in God? No, I don't not believe in God :) (spoken like a true agnostic), but I don't believe in god as presented by any religions that I've looked at.  I see it all as speculations on the unknown and unknowable, that overtime tend to become quite detailed and defined. I do believe that God, if existent, has not very much to do with most of what is portrayed in any religious book (at least any that I have read).  But none of these books I've read are devoid of truth, or basic sociological and moral concepts that appeal to humans.  If you throw enough darts blindfolded, you're certain to hit the target at some point.  If you want to find god you would do better to do it eyes wide open. Study astronomy, biology, or one of the natural sciences. It is my belief that god has hidden himself and his truths inside reality ... the fingerprint of god if you will.  I believe (under my strict definition of the word believe) that we are infinite beings, inside a finite reality, which is itself a projection of the infinite.  

Sometimes I like to speculate that, life, and all that emerges from the cosmos is programmed into the equations, and that god is there in a sort of pantheistic way, waiting to unfold.  We are an expression of the universe, at this stage of sentience, whose best job is to be aware, sentient, and strive to understand and comprehend it in awe and appreciation.   There may be higher stages of greater understanding ahead, and there may be greater stages out there already.  I like to think that it is all unfolding into greater understanding and deepening awe.

The irony here is that you will find god exactly where you think he is not. He is not confined within a church or a book (and this goes for science too).  God is not the god portrayed in the bible, and this is why logical thinking people have no problem dismissing THAT god  (For this article I use the term he. I have no idea if god even possesses a gender.  It is no coincidence that the god professed within patriarchal societies describe "him" is male.

Atheists (and Theists) cast aspersions on Agnostics as fence sitters, or spineless undeciders...I guess it really bothers them that agnostics can handle cognitive dissonance so well, and combat the need for closure, to which they have succumbed.   Hard Atheist have filled in the gap too, based on their need for closure.  They have decided that case and moved on.  As for god, as absent as he/it/that may seem to be, the case is still open...in fact it's a very wide and profound gap. 

As indicated earlier, the core (center/middle) of my ideology is agnosticism.  Scientific Agnostic Theism (SAT). I wish there were a 'church' (club) for those who are knowledgeable in and revere science, who believe (literal definition) in god or a higher state, and cover it all with doubt (skepticism) when approaching the gap.  Were I to start one my first thought would maybe be to call it "The Church of Scientists", but that's too close to that other idiot church that has nothing whatsoever to do with science...hmmm.  Maybe SAT United? Anyway,its overriding ideology would be Scientific Agnostic Theism.  And its goal would be to promote discussion of ideas using whole brain thinking.

If you really want to map your ideology, or your core way of thinking and approaching the world to your brain (and practice a holistic way of employing that brain and thinking) Scientific Agnostic Theism is the ticket.  Science representing the Left Brain, Theism representing the Right, and Agnosticism representing the Center (corpus collosum), which mediates information between the two halves, and which serves to referee any conflicts, and facilitate even communication.  A good shot of doubt in the middle pointed in each directions to allow the two to communicate, yet prevent either party from seducing the other, forcing themselves on them, and producing bastard children (extreme unbalanced thinking).

I have written about the principle of opposition and adversity in another blog.  The structure of our brains reveals the same thing - opposition is at play.   It should be noted that the Left-Right description of the brain is somewhat flawed, since most studies where these traits have been uncovered involve subjects whose corpus collosum has been severed, or brain function has been impaired in one side(region) or the other.  Although there is some localization of function going on with most thinking, scans reveal that much of our cognitive functionality involves activity from both halves.   It is also helpful, and more accurate, when speaking of intuition (emotion)  vs. logic (rational thinking), to divide the brain horizontally rather than laterally, where we have the inner brain (limbic system) which is concerned with instinct(intuition) and mood, and the outer brain (cortex), which is involved with logic and reasoning, as well as higher physical functions.

Put very simply, Scientists are people who value and treasure Thinking and Logic.  Theists (religious people) are people who value and treasure Feeling and Emotion.  Both are vital parts of being human.  Both sides when sought to extremes miss the mark, and are unbalanced.  However, religious thinking tends to be more unbalanced, and more delusional, since many religions contain tenets which promote, or better, dovetail quite easily with the flawed aspects of our reasoning, namely Heuristics, Cognitive biases, and logical fallacies.  All human thinking and reasoning is prone to these hard wired pitfalls.  Where science succeeds is that science strives to overcome this flaw by the scientific method which involves validation, criticism, and peer review by people trying to disprove your position.  Science recognizes that we are flawed and biased and sets methods in place to overcome that.  Religion thinks that we are divine, has a hard time reconciling our flawed brains given to us from a divine or perfect being, and relies on intuition and feelings, and belief to confirm things as real or true.  Be these things as they are, this i the brain we have.  And there are some good things to be salvaged from the religious mind.

This is the true nature of the god-head - the head that god gave you.  As you may notice, it is a holy trinity as well...holy being holistic. We like to spout that there are two sides to every story, when in actuality there are three.  We have a long history of ignoring or marginalizing the third side (the middle), when it is really the most important side of all toward bringing balance and holding accurate ideas.  This SAT approach is actually the cure for my bipolar illness, that I felt I was promised from god within my last full blown manic episode (A very controlled episode, unlike others I've had).  Afterward, I felt I'd been led in my thinking toward the crystallization of this ideology of how to retain the middle.  Was it god, or the eruptions of my own mind?  I don't know.  I do know that when manic it feels very powerful, like communing with and being directed by the universe (god).  Many times I think the 'revelations' we have are just the under currents of our current ken, which bubble up into realizations.

I have the unfortunate ability to inhabit each 'side' of my brain in extremes = bipolar.  I have a theory that it may be due to a weakness in the makeup or structure of my corpus collosum, analogous to a referee who judiciously serves as a mediator of fairness between conflicting sides.  It may also be a sort of brain rash or seizure, where certain aspects of my thinking are inhibited and/or others excited.  When I am too 'left brain' in interpreting my experiences I suffer depression (nihilistic pessimism), and that depression continues up to a point where it hits the wall and bounces rapidly toward the right.  When I am too 'right brain' in my interpretation I suffer delusional, mystical, visions, much like a trip on LSD or DMT (although I've never taken either).  When manic I experience god and the infinite.  

An interesting read that really helped me understand my illness was a book - My Stroke of Insight, by Jill Bolte Taylor.  She is a neuroscientist who suffered a stroke on the left  side of her brain, severely impairing the ability of it to function.  The result she describes sounded strikingly familiar to my experience when manic.   I think many scientists would benefit from having her experience.  One 'miracle' she experienced was that she was able to 'fully' recover  from the stroke using her knowledge of the brain coupled with much hard work and therapy.  But with this experience so profound, she did not recover into the same person.  She is far more spiritual now, and sensitively tuned to energies such as love, peace, and compassion.

About my bipolar illness, there are some anomalies which don't fit the mold, and which I find curious and maybe worthy of investigation.  First is the onset.  Typically this illness presents itself in the late teens.  Mine manifested itself when I was 34.  Prior to that I had experienced normal highs and lows common to the life experience of most people.  I can recount a few depressive episodes, but each was of the situational type most people experience.   The second anomaly is I have no history drugs or alcohol usage which is typically present within the case history of people with bipolar illness.  The theory for this is they are seeking to self medicate their condition.  This restraint may be due to my religious upbringing (LDS).  However, even after the onset of bipolar illness and mentally leaving my religious beliefs I still have no inclination toward drug or alcohol use.  I think this is why I was able to find a cure to my condition, much like Jill, using my mind.  Escaping conflict rather than dealing with it head on gets a person no progress beyond their issues. (This is the crux of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, CBT).  Besides, if I really want to get high I can do it without drugs, and that high can last for days, if not weeks ;)

It is also important to realize that at this time I was under a lot of stress, at church, at work, and at home.  I think I was subconsciously tuning into the things that my religion had taught me and putting those things to the test in truly seeking god with all my 'heart might mind and strength'.

The subsequent years of depression and demotivation I experienced was due to the diagnosis of being mentally ill and the attendant loss of all the things I treasured, the thinking that gave my life meaning and direction.  I was unwittingly going through Religious Trauma Syndrome, and experiencing the 'Death of one's previous life'.

I know that it is in our nature to interpret things from our current perspective and think that this perspective is accurate in defining the world around us.  We then bump into others who have a view out of their windows that they see as the defining view as well.  We disagree with ideas that don't suit our thinking, and to accept those which do.

So about that church club, I doubt I could get a bunch of differing and opposing views in a room together without heavy discussion, disagreement, and the sharing of endless tangential trivia or irrelevant factoids...Or a lot of, "yeah, but have you considered this?"   So, the first rule of church club would need be, there is no fighting in church club.

The second rule of church club would possibly be that people involved should try to see, at worst, the middle view, which would best facilitate understanding when approaching the opposing views of others, or those ideas dealing with either the unknown or the unknowable.  You can't know, and you may be wrong.   As said earlier on agnosticism, which I think comprises this middle position, can be very uncomfortable and produce much cognitive dissonance driving the need for closure one direction or the other.

Maybe I'll come up with more rules later, but that should suffice for now.

Much like Larry Donner said in Throw Mama From The Train, "Hate makes you impotent, love makes you crazy. Somewhere in the middle you can survive."  

Throw some different words into that related to this post and it works just as well.

Life is a Banquet - OR - Why We Poop

Warning! NSFP  (Not Suitable For Prudes)

I recently came across an interchange that happened online with some prominent people in the LDS community that got me thinking about how much I love it when people behave toward each other in real and honest ways.

In 2007 Richard Dutcher, a pioneer of LDS film making, blew a haughty kiss goodbye to the LDS film industry.  I read his goodbye and I loved it. He seemed a bit inflated, sounding a bit like, "Now listen Children!", but it was what he was really thinking and feeling at the time, uncensored, unadorned, a bit reckless, and I loved him for that.  Kieth Merril (another filmmaker) then responded in a very real and self-justified way at Richard's ego and what he saw as delusion (I could see that too from his perspective).  Again, unrestrained and raw.  I loved that.  Beautiful stuff.  He later issued a formal apology to Richard ... meh OK, that's good too.  I like to see people get along and admit their mistakes as well.  But more-so, I love it when people dare to be real and have real emotions, opinions, and responses.
Richard Dutcher: Parting Words on Mormon Movies
Kieth Merril: Dutcher Comments Showed Arrogance
Keith Merril Apology

In our society there is so much pressure to always smile and show the best, most positive sides, of who we are.  That's good n all...but it's also a little phony and plastic. People who tune in too heavily to this broadcast become passive aggressive pleasers, among other personality disorders caused by not expressing your true thoughts and emotions, and our get along and go along nature which causes us to stuff it down more than we let it out.

I love it when people are not afraid to show a bit of the underbelly when having a spine.  I love it when people have a bit of grit and backbone to their personality.  I hate FAKE.   If you know me, that's one thing you will know loud and clear.  I abhor deception and people and things hiding who and what they really are.  I don't like artificial or pretend when it comes to people ... and in order to get that I will walk along the shitty roads with you.  I adore real, and I strive to be real...maybe a real weirdo, or a real idiot, or a real jerk...but hopefully I'm real.

In a recent conversation with a friend on FaceBook (FB) they mentioned how they get tired of people on FB constantly promoting their perfect wonderful lives.  I responded, "Yeah, it's almost lie a contest eh?"   I noticed the spelling error so I texted again, "I meant like, but lie works too"  A hearty agreement was returned.  I call my friend's reaction to this FB kind of sharing, The Pollyanna Reflex Syndrome.  As many know, Pollyanna is a little fictional girl who is always so sweet, kind, and full of hope.  So wonderfully optimistic ... So terribly punchable in the face!

Punchable that is, if you're like most people whose lives are not like that.  The urge to punch her in the face when she won't concede anything negative about anything is The Pollyanna Reflex Syndrome, when Pollyanna pushes it too far and might just benefit from a serious punch in the face (Hey - I'm not condoning violence toward children - it's metaphor people!)

Just sayin, maybe Pollyanna needs to get real ... go through a major depressive episode? ... of course we only see her when she's young and full of hope and her naive and wonderful optimism, a sweet adorable dopey little head full of only the best ideals.

Yeah, let her live long enough in the real world and life will  inevitably beat some reality into that curly little head.   Ahhh! - Did I really just say that?  I'm horrible I guess.

Point is, the optimism portrayed in that movie is NOT REAL.  Sure, she goes through some adversity when she gets hit by a car and has to adjust to being crippled, but in real life she would NOT walk again.  Spinal injuries are a bit that way.  Some things you simply cannot solve with positive mental attitude (PMA), although PMA can make life happier, and more tolerable.

Many people get annoyed by the imbalance of unbridled PMA and must inject some pessimism into the equation to balance it out.  Life is a brutal teacher ... if you don't keep moving, striving, working ... it will kick your ass and take you down.  Dreams do not work if you don't. If you stand still your dreams will bury you. Sometimes it even takes you down when you're doing everything right.  Life is kinda fickle that way.  Butt - Big BUT, You WILL endure it better if you can maintain a PMA, but PMA alone will not save you from hardship, or miraculously mend your spine, without the work and the willpower to see the bad things through, and some bad things you simply never get through, or over, you just deal ... and keep dealing.

I came across this excellent presentation when in the middle of thinking about this - http://www.upworthy.com/the-most-brilliant-form-of-social-control-ever-invented-is-right-here?g=2

This is the insidious myth that we continue to teach our children (well meaning as it may be), that if you are good and positive (righteous) that God will protect you and keep bad things from happening in your life ( I actually heard an adult say this recently to a group of young cub scouts).   This unfortunately contains the burrowing mind worm message that should something bad happen in their lives (which it inevitably will), that it is somehow their fault, and God let it happen (e.g. parents divorcing or death).  God doesn't/didn't love and protect them because of some issue within them.  Somehow they cosmically brought it on themselves.

This thinking is the reason why society has a tendency to blame the victim, because we still sell this idea that people always deserve what they get. If god doesn't heal your crippled legs - guess what YOU SUCK!, or your attitude sucks.  More benign, yet still insidious, is the message "He's trying to teach you a lesson".  Really?  Then, what a mean Bastard God is!  He could help me out...but he chooses to let me suffer?  He could have prevented your brutal beating and rape...but He allowed it to teach you a lesson. (again the message that your suffering is due to some failing within you, something you need to be taught or learn, or have fixed by trial)  If only I had prayed more, and was more faithful and good...this would not have happened.  This making lemonade with God is just another form of PMA taken too far.

It's no surprise that we humans have invented a vengeful deity in our image.  We are punishing apes, bent on justice and consequences, who have no trouble handing down severe punishments.  Nor do we have much trouble imaging a god who favors those who agree with him, and punishes those who don't, until they're beaten down enough to get it.  And if they never do, there's a special place of  time-out in store.  As such, it's not hard to make the mental jump of assuming success and failure as assignments of the individual by God.

This social phenomenon of blaming people for their misfortunes is ancient, and likely goes back far beyond our species.  It is present today among other species which ostracize the weak and wounded from the flock or herd.  we too are flock and herd animals.  It's no surprise that we carry this behavior.  It is based on superstition and wrong headed thinking, but it likely promoted survival by causing people to distance themselves from anyone who encountered misfortunes, or who were generally unsuccessful, and to stick with those who were successful and then attribute it to the favor of the gods, rather than maybe the behaviors that group of people were engaging in.  "The gods favor the righteous and punish the evil, and if the gods can punish you so can we.  If you experience trouble and hardship, the gods are cursing you because of something evil within you."  It is baffling that this craptastical  thinking still goes on today!

In this world of chaos and chance, is it too much to just admit that sometimes bad things happen for no reason at all?  Good things happen to bad people, and bad things happen to good people...and of course the two other well spouted combinations.  You don't always earn/deserve what you get.  Sorry, life is not always fair.  But THAT can be liberating news for some people operating under the false assumption that it is, or should be.  Of course, should you work hard and apply effort to achieving things, you will likely get what you deserve, and the contrary to that as well.  There is a degree of controlling our outcomes, but when chaos and chance, and other people are at play, this thinking turns to shit.

Most maddening to me is when people who have had really terrible things happen in their lives fall prey to this thinking and turn their pain inward, engaging in behaviors and thinking that only serve to harm themselves and stifle their growth.  This thinking reaches outward from them and impacts anyone close to them, especially their family, specifically their children.  They are living in shit and spreading that shit around liberally.

When ideas and thoughts are not balanced against each other, they become platitudinous in isolation.  Words are the tools we use to think.  We should be careful not to adopt "loaded" language (characterized by "thought terminating cliches"). These one sided ideas and words constrict rather than expand understanding. They function to reduce complexities of experience into trite, hackneyed "buzz words".  Most importantly, spreading these unbalanced ideas harms people.  Optimism is great.  You'll be happier and live longer taking the higher route with your thoughts.  We should all strive to be optimistic, and full of hope.  But at the same time we must not oversell the idea.  PMA is the not a magical key to success and happiness.  You can be an optimist and have some terrible things happen to you.

You may have many wonderful things in your life, and for that I truly am glad, Share away! It's fun. It's joyful.  It's uplifting. But if we are always ashamed/afraid to be real with one another, and maybe admit that things aren't always so great, and maybe we aren't always so great, or delightedly happy, it all comes off feeling a bit phony and shallow ... even irritating. I'm sure that if I invested the time with any one of my Facebook friends I would discover their "realness"; it's sad that time (and stalking laws) don't permit that. ;)

I have been able to develop some real experiences with people on the Internet, and the Internet has been an enhancement to my relationship with real life friends.   Conversely, via the Internet I think I've also lost some friends who didn't like my views, or realized they didn't want to associate with someone so weird or who didn't agree with their values or beliefs.  Too bad life is so fragile.  I try to associate and learn from everyone, especially if they don't agree with my ideas.  But I totally understand why some people don't like being around me ... because I see myself as an ape, and apes as you know feel free to fling their shit, and I feel that this association and identity gives me license to do the same.

Like I said in an earlier blog, FB is not the place to share your inner weirdo.  Social psychology dictates that we always display strength in the herd, unless we want to be pushed to the fringes, or fall to the rear of the pack where we'll become more susceptible to predation.  Weakness or strange erratic behavior is seen as a
predator magnet by other members of the group...it sparks fear.  Unfortunately this shapes life in society into little more than a beauty or popularity contest.  Too bad for all you fat, ugly, untalented, inarticulate (oh wait, that's perfectly admissible)...u hmm, graceless, toothless, idiots (oh wait, admissible again!).

One of the things we have trouble with is admitting our flaws, admitting our weaknesses. Admitting that we may be wrong at the very core of what we believe. Admitting the vulgarity of our basic animal nature.  We try to hide and deny it.   Many people when questioned will not agree that they are an animal, let alone an ape.  We feel ourselves separate and apart from animals, and in some real ways we are, but beneath it all WE ARE ANIMALS.  Animals with some real hang-ups about our animal behaviors (Sex, attraction, eating,
digestion, defecation, grooming, etc.).  We also have a strong aversion to admitting that our brains and thinking isn't so perfect, being full of flaws, prone to a huge laundry list of flawed heuristics, cognitive biases, and logical fallacies.

Growing up from a child and into a young adult, and then beyond, society will continually pound home the shame and embarrassment you should feel for these aspects of being human.  When you are told by authority figures that these things about yourself deserve to be stifled and hidden, that they are embarrassing, offensive or 'vulgar' it begins to rub off on how you view yourself - vulgar, offensive, full of sin.  As a young person/adult if you are told that your  attraction to the opposite sex is "evil" and sinful and that looking with lust is equal to adultery, and you've sinned in your heart - WOW!  No wonder people are so hung up about sex.

One day while sitting on the toilet and stinking up the joint (come on we all do it) it occurred to me how much I hated this aspect of my life....how demeaning it was.  IF god made us why do we poo?  Why must poo be so ...poopy, and foul? I hate that I have to poo...I hate that I stink.  If I had my way I would never have to be physically offensive in any way. But I am.  Why would God make me this way?   It occurred to me, most people can't admit the shit.  Most people do not like the idea that they shit and that their shit stinks.   It's too vulgar, crude, unrefined.  If you're thinking right now, "Oh why must you talk about all of this...it's vulgar"  I would say, "Exactly - try to keep up."  I'm reminded right now of how much I love the song All Things Dull & Ugly, by Eric Idle, I think it captures what I'm after here.  "All things dull & ugly, all things short and squat, all thing rude and nasty, the lord God made the lot."

Like most things in life, thinking of the shit requires establishing a balance ... finding the middle.   Temperance does not mean prohibition. Whenever a culture makes a thing evil and forbidden it only incites more aberrant behavior in that thing. Abuse of women and children goes up within cultures that stifle and get hung up on
human sexuality.   Proven Scientific Fact!  Whenever we suppress and shame a natural
behavior or drive all it does is cause that behavior to become "constipated', perverted, pushing into the underground, and causing people to obsess unnaturally over it.  Somewhat like prohibition made drinking a taboo and only served to cause all sorts of problems with alcohol, and actually increased crime AND drinking, esp among women (interesting in that it was women who were pushing prohibition).  http://www.pbs.org/kenburns/prohibition/unintended-consequences/

Wrongheaded ideas tend to make things more complicated. If there is a god, (which I believe there is) our concept of how that God is involved with us is wrong.  Sin in my book is inefficiency.  Anything that slows or  stifles growth, happiness, and people living productively together is sin  Correct ideas tend to make life easier and interaction less complicated...but the paradox is that the real answers are usually very complicated.  There are few easy answers.

One thing that may help you find the answers is this little rhyme -  Once you admit the shit everything starts to fit. It denotes that when thinking about a matter, the fewer contortions and explanations you need to make the more likely it is that you're right, or getting close.  There were such problems in my life that became so much easier to understand by looking at it with due weight to the not so desirable elements in the equation.   Once those elements were given their proper weight many other contorted explanations dropped away.

Also, consider this thought nugget that occurred to me while on the toilet:
Everyone is full of crap - God designed us such that at least once a day we would be reminded of this important realization.

I should maybe amend it to read - "at least once a day (if healthy)". Some people suffer from constipation (This applies to the mind as well as the body). If you want to be happy (healthy) be sure you release your crap upon the world at least once every day.

Maybe a poem would say it better:

Life Is a Banquet

To say life is a banquet
we must also admit
that along with the feasting
comes a great deal of shit

with pressure, relief
with pleasure, too grief
and release of the pressure
brings pleasure too brief

Those whose views choose to lose
issues south of the mouth,
will find it quite crass, 
all my talk of the ass

But perspective depends,
my fair weathered friends,
whether not you'd defend
crap can come from both ends.

This poem is the proof 
that I speak the truth
especially if you
find it uncouth.

So consider the crap 
like you value the meal
Just like a storm 
makes weather a thrill
Don't just look at one side 
when you choose to 'get real'
The end you despise 
doth comprise the ideal.


Well, I think I'm finished...time to clean up and climb off.  Maybe you didn't quite like this installment.  Maybe you found it crude, stupid, offensive?  I've allowed myself to be quite a bit more vulgar than I usually am, but it's art, the content pushes the concept...reinforces the theme.  If you find me vulgar, well, what can I say?...these are my thoughts.  They're not all gems...but they are all real.  I took very little effort to polish this installment...the adage of polishing turds springs to mind. I just let it spill out of me, in a very natural way.  So it may appear scattered and a bit disorganized, and distasteful, but how fitting when thinking on shitting. Oh, and I'll be sure to leave the fan on for awhile.

Sociopaths: A Personal Study

Lately I've been studying sociopaths - an interest sparked by exposure to the weird life and escapades of Chris Nemelka. (http://chrisnemelka.com/).  He is one among a long list of others I've noticed who exhibit these same 'interesting' personality traits.  I thought it finally time that I delve into it and actually try to understand the behavior a little better.

Here's a little "study sheet" I'm working on:

Sociopath vs Psychopath: Antisocial Personality Disorder (APD) is the clinical term for the disorder associated with the traits of sociopaths. In popular culture, the term psychopath and sociopath are often loosely used as interchangeable. But there is a difference in the connotation each word carries, as each one describes the expression and degree of the same basic personality disorder, with psychopaths expressing in a more organized, planned, diabolical and aggressive way, and sociopaths being less intentional and behaving more haphazardly.  But, with any division between two things this is also a spectrum blend. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/wicked-deeds/201401/how-tell-sociopath-psychopath

Females are said to suffer from this disorder to a lesser extent than males, but it may just be a case of how societal roles direct the expression of the disorder.  To date there is no reliable percentage of occurrence withing society, or between males and females, but it is evident that the disorder is expressed differently according to societal roles and gender identity. 
As with any human trait the traits of a sociopath/psychopath are a exhibited within a broad spectrum, with varying degrees of intensity.  In some respect, to some degree, normal people also display these traits (see #11). 

Before getting to the list of traits it is important to note and understand that the predominant trait of a sociopath is that they lack the capacity for empathy - and true remorse for hurting others.  Empathy is the ability to share, experience, and understand what others might be feeling from their perspective.  Because of this they are entirely motivated by their own self interests.  This lack of the ability for empathy underlies many of the traits of someone with APD.

All that said, following are the outstanding traits associated with Antisocial Personality Disorder:

1. Grandiose Sense of Self and Entitlement. This heightened ego will justify behaviors they may outwardly condemn, and may also inwardly recognize as wrong, but rationally allow due to their perceived special status. Once it is rationally allowed due to their special status it is no longer perceived inwardly as wrong.  This is somewhat a case of the Special Pleading fallacy.

2. General Lack of Conscience and Remorse for Harming Others. Sociopaths lack internal respect toward other people, all of whom they deem as inferiors, but they are masters of outward shows of respect, niceties and flattery. They are deceitfully nice and outwardly respectful as a way to manipulate others (for the most part). This point is related to points 1&3.  

3. A Manipulative Personality Covered by Superficial Charm. Friendships, alliances, and romantic partners are often sucked in and frequently disregarded and replaced when the relationship no longer suits their self-centered needs.  Cheating comes easy too. They have no problem conning, lying to, or taking advantage of other people, even people they profess to love.  Love is a very shallow concept, if even understood.  These people usually have a long line of former friends, lovers, and associates who now hate and despise them.

4. Chronic Lying. Chronic lying is a characteristic of nearly all sociopaths (i.e. 99.99%). Much power and importance is derived from this form of controlling and manipulating others via information. They do this with ease due to trait #2. Not all liars are sociopaths (we're all liars to some degree) but all sociopaths are liars, many to the extent of being pathological. They lie with straight faced ease, and their sophistication with lying often works best on family members and friends they've conned, thereby gaining admiration and devotion, and a blindness to the manipulation. They know how to manipulate the 'truth' to make themselves look good, and to gain trust and belief.  Over time the more charismatic and manipulative sociopaths can gather a following. The seek love and adoration, and the more people the better.  They have a 6th sense when it comes to reading people and knowing just what to say to ingratiate and promote themselves within the minds of their followers, and promote trust, confidence and compliance. (See #3)

5. Use People as Means. They use people as a means to getting what they want, and view other people in general as means not ends. Objectification of other people is their primary view and tact.  Their inability for empathy causes them to view other people as merely a means whereby they can achieve their own self interests, and to do so without regard for the interests or welfare of others.

6. Shifting of Blame. Considering the above it becomes easy to understand why they have very little sense of remorse or guilt. They will seldom if ever take blame for anything offensive or hurtful they've done to anyone, even if they're family or friend. They are very skilled at deflection and finding reasons why it is not their fault, and the fault of their opponent, or things outside their control.  They are very good at assigning blame on others and launching character assassinations against anyone who opposes them in any way.  They seldom if ever will say or admit anything about themselves, even mild slights or foibles, that may harm their reputation.  They seriously think and rationalize that they do no wrong.  They have a serious inability to apologize, but will feign apology if it advances their cause.

7. Instability. They are unstable in their own lives.  They usually have a long string of failed relationships and jobs, and do not stay in one place for very  long (geographically, housing, or work).  They are parasitic in nature and usually will live off other people if given the opportunity.  In this sense they love to oversee and manage work, rather than do work.  Physical manual labor is beneath their superior skill set.  They typically have a long string of sexual partners, and may seek out multiple sexual partners, thinking that just one person is not enough for a person of their caliber. (Polygamy with its inherent male dominion is very attractive to male sociopaths, Sex as a weapon, power, or form of manipulation is popular with females.  Prostitutes may also be sociopaths).

8. Aggressive Retribution on Slights. They can be dangerous when challenged, slighted, or if they perceive they've been cheated by a person or life circumstances (usually blamed on others, see #6), or if they feel they have not garnered the respect and attention they deserve. They are especially vindictive and dangerous when they feel they have been wronged in some way.  Because of points 1 & 2 they have a heightened sense of retribution when wronged.  They typically pay back in multiples of the original wrong.

After the ones who succeed via 'approved' social pathways, the next most dangerous sociopaths can be the ones who fail to some degree in their desires - sociopathic underachievers.  These are they which resort to violence and mass murder, or serial killing. This may seem an inverted ranking but consider how many people a sociopath in power can harm or have killed.

9. Seek Positions of Power and Influence. Because of the above charming and manipulative traits the more intelligent and charming sociopaths find it easy to gather a following, and rise to the top of social groups and societies. They seek positions of influence, power, management, and rule.  Historically, and most likely presently, there are many world leaders and public figures who could be classified as sociopaths. Power and popularity can bring latent sociopathic tendencies to the foreground, and cause them to blossom. 

Here’s a list of jobs with the highest rates of sociopathy, in no particular ranking:

    1. CEO
    2. Lawyer
    3. Media (Television/Radio)
    4. Salesperson
    5. Surgeon
    6. Journalist
    7. Police Officer
    8. Clergy person
    9. Chef
   10. Civil Servant (Politics)

Again we should be careful to say that not all people in these positions are sociopaths, but these are the typical positions sociopaths gravitate toward.

10. Narcissistic. This disorder is closely related to Narcissistic Personality Disorder, with overlapping manifestations.

11. Degrees of Sociopathy. This is not a trait but rather a category to reinforce again the concept of nuance and a spectrum of degrees.  When considering this disorder it is important to employ analog over digital thinking – degrees not compartments. These are traits common to every human being to varying degrees, with sociopaths taking them much farther, and psychopaths utilizing them to the nth degree.  It is very easy to see these behaviors in people we dislike and instantly jump to the assessment of sociopath.  Not all liars are sociopaths, but all sociopaths are liars.  Not all sociopaths are sociopaths to the same degree.  There is such thing as a mild sociopath.  I have always believed that a trait seen and observed in others must also be simultaneously recognized in oneself, and admitted to the degree it exists. These traits are all the not so pretty realizations of being human.  Being aware of them can protect you from being the victim of them, either self inflicted or inflicted by others, and maybe a call to work on your empathy skills.

In my "research" I found this response to a blog article on sociopaths particularly interesting:

Helen 6/13/2013 - I found out today that my dad is a sociopath. Half the people he has dealt with hate him and half just love him.

This resonated strongly with a statement made by a religious leader concerning himself*, that in essence half the world would hate him and half the world would love him.  In my study of the man I assess him to have been a sociopath, maybe operating under the self delusion of good intentions, but a sociopath nonetheless.  This behavior especially came to the foreground and exploded in his later years when he became the head of a thriving theocracy.

* This statement was made as a prophecy Joseph Smith said was communicated to him by an angel in 1823, yet it was recorded in 1838, at a time when people were doing just as described (hating him, acting against him, others defending him). It was a heavenly message to explain why so many people hated him currently...esp judging the time he first recalled this supposedly earlier angelic prophesy (1838) was a time of turmoil for him, and the angel's 1823 visit and prophecy was fulfilled by the time it was first recorded in 1838 during the Kirtland Crisis, where many high ranking and prominent members of the church, and others, were leaving in droves, citing dishonest dealings and actions of the "prophet" as the reason why they had left.  They were of course slandered and libeled, by the prophet JS and other still faithful church leaders, as liars, sinners, and apostates.  This revelation is a clear example of backdating to make the present situation true.

If this article offends you, or you find yourself described in some of these descriptors... yet rationalizing "why" it's OK or justified in your particular situation - You just might be a Sociopath.

The following link on sociopaths is one of the best I came across during my exploration, even though it's from the oft disparaged wikipedia.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychopathy#Sociopathy

My Monkey Garden

The following is a piece I wrote for a college writing class taken at the University of Utah in the fall of 1986

MY MONKEY GARDEN - By  Ron Hill

In the summer of my eighth year, I became a "junkie", an abuser of very a powerful substance. I was all strung out with no help in sight. The notion that a child so young and naive could be an addict may be a bit hard to swallow; yet, I was hooked, in a very real and inescapable way. My addiction was not of a physical nature, but more a psychological fixation. I became a monomaniac. In my mind raged one incessant thought that towered above all others, taking control of my life, and ruling my very being.  Let me explain . . .

The neighborhood in which I grew up was predominantly populated with girls, at least within my age group. Their idea of a great time was cutting out paper dolls, having tea parties, dressing up, and playing house, where I always ended up being the father of their moronic dolls. The very idea that my children looked like stuffed idiots with painted on smiles or big rubber kissy lips disgusted me. That disgust often led to child abuse. Needless to say, mother was not very pleased with such treatment of her children, and father soon found himself kicked out of the house. "Oh well," I'd tell myself, "who needs all that sissy stuff anyhow?" 

Knowing there were two other boys my age, I decided to make a sincere effort at gaining their friendship. In time, various lumps, bruises and bloody noses would evidence we were better sparring partners than friends. So eventually, I was back being "one of the girls", and having a gay old time. Although I got along fairly well with the girls and enjoyed their friendship, within an hour or two I became totally disinterested with the ways they chose to entertain themselves.

In the end I was left to myself and my wild imagination, which in time became my most frequent playmate and my savior from boredom. I was often absorbed in role play and fantasy, taken up into some far off world, the mighty and noble King Arthur in heavy discussion with his faithful Knights of the Round Table, composed of an eclectic grouping of action figures, Davy Crockett exploring the wild frontier of a nearby farmer’s fields and ditches, Superman, bedecked in his trademark underwear and cape, flying from couch to couch while saving the world, running around the yard, and catching his death of cold. 

In time, I found my favorite place to be was within the deep, dense jungles of Africa. Here, I stood six feet tall (or taller depending on my mood) with wide brawny shoulders. The sweat from the humid jungle heat dripped from my bronze dirt covered skin. All the animals were subject to me in this, my domain; For I was "Tarzan, Lord of The Jungle!" Or so it seemed until Mom caught me swinging from the willow tree, wearing one of her best dishtowels as a loincloth and clutching her silver butter knife for a dagger.

I became a habitual watcher of "The Adventures of Tarzan." Every Saturday at 2:00 p.m..  Like the changing of the guards, you could find me immovable in front of the set, with my eyes glued to the screen, vicariously living out my fantasies like a housewife addicted to her soaps. It was here that my addiction took root in the fertile garden of my mind, and began to flower and spread like morning glory.

One Saturday on a hot July afternoon, I watched as Tarzan was warned of an attacking lion by his faithful companion Cheetah. I began to imagine how great it would be to have a little pal like Cheetah to chum around with. I realized I was without such a sidekick, and from that point on, began thinking I needed one. A monkey to chum around with! Oh, the very thought of it was intoxicating. This had to be my most brilliant idea ever! I was sure he wouldn't enjoy playing house or having stupid tea parties. I imagined all of the great adventures we'd have, and became totally entangled in these ideas after scores of these imaginings had woven and wriggled their way through my mind. I even developed an incurable craving for bananas to which my mother will attest. In the months to follow, I ate, drank, and slept monkeys. I even went so far as to ask God to send one to me, praying every night with all the faith of Job that He would.  I imagined how one morning I'd be playing outside when an escaped monkey from a circus or a pet store would come waddling up the sidewalk and into my yard, sent from God Himself. Well....surprisingly enough, it never happened, and the realization of ever standing atop this mountainous monkey dream became somewhat insurmountable to me. Yet, I was content to play along its foothills, occasionally gaping upward in wondering awe.

One day, through the miracle of modern media, the answer to all my hopes, dreams, and prayers materialized! I'd been given my rigging and climbing shoes and now that mountain was mine. My mother had a doctor appointment and naturally that meant I was going along. She wouldn't dare leave me home to reap havoc on her housework. I was sitting in Dr. Poulsen's waiting room, my feet dangling from the chair and a copy of Boy's Life magazine draped across my lap. There it was on the inset of the back page! My eyes widened, my mouth fell agape, the hair at the back my neck rose with the excitement. Here it was at last I thought, God had finally answered my prayers! The advertisement was very small, yet it filled the whole page before my eyes. It read, "Darling Pet Monkey." It went on to describe this creature and pictured was a small monkey that appeared to be about seven inches high perched atop some lucky person's hand. I had hoped for a monkey the size of Cheetah, but I had waited long enough and wasn't about to deny the revelation of God. Scanning the room to make sure there were no witnesses at the crime scene, I quickly tore the ad from the page. Furtively, I folded it up and quickly stuffed the holy parchment inconspicuously deep into the pocket of my pants. I felt some guilt on defacing Dr. Poulsen's magazine, but my misdeed was accomplishing a higher purpose. I was now on a mission from God, and was sure the good doctor would understand. 
 

That night I introduced the miracle to my parents, showing them the crumpled little ad. At first they tried to dissuade me with comments like, "You won't take care of it properly", "It'll tear up the house and climb the curtains", It'll bite you and you'll die from rabies!" I couldn't believe my ears, Oh such blasphemy. Woe unto you! Oh ye unclean! Ye cursed Gentiles, Heathens, and Unbelievers! How dare ye mock the plans of God and his promised deliverance of this most righteous monkey!

Well, my monkey mission wasn't going to be as easy as I had thought. Yet, I felt confident knowing who was on my side. After weeks of constant nagging and persistence, my parents realized how adamant I was about this monkey, and were finally converted. My mother, being more understanding of my childlike nature, filled out a check for $18.95, which seemed to me a large amount of money. I remember guarding it under my pillow through the night from would be thieves and robbers, and all else who would try to thwart my mission. The next morning I wrote the address from the bottom of the ad, onto an envelope. Clutching the pencil tightly, and with my tongue out the side of my mouth for extra stability, I took great care to ensure my handwriting was very legible. I placed my mother's fortune inside, affixing the stamp she'd given me on the corner, with a couple of extra licks to be sure, and then some tape to make extra sure it was good and stuck. I ran to the mailbox and placed it inside. Raising the red signal flag to full mast with a grand salute.  I was now on sentry duty, to be relieved only when the properly commissioned government authority came, and secured my dispatch safely within his bag. I paced back and forth in front of the mailbox, double checking its contents every half hour or so to make sure my letter was safe. In time came the trusted postal worker, relieving the tired mailbox of my harassment, and my tired behind from the curb.

According to the ad, I had to wait six whole weeks! Those six weeks were more torturous than I could even imagine hell to be, yet my dreams had been rekindled. The garden of my thoughts had been spread with the pungently sweet smelling fertilizer of hope. My monkey dreams were growing, overrunning my mind like weeds. At times the choking overgrowth of anxiety was too much for me to bear. The idea of getting that monkey had overtaken me now. I was a prisoner, willfully trapped within the overgrowth of my delightful monkey garden.  I was high and hooked.

At the height of its growing season, came the cure to my addiction, an herbicide you might say, in the devastating form of two measly little sentences.

That day, I ran out to meet the mailman, as I'd religiously done in the many days past, only to turn back to the house dejected after scanning the day's mail. This time it was different, for within this handful of letters was the poison parcel, poised and ready like a jungle cobra, to strike its venom deep into the heart of my wild little monkey, alive in garden of dreams. Realizing the letter was from the place I'd sent the check, and thinking it would tell me where to pick up my little pal, I dropped the rest of the mail to the ground as I hurried to tear it open. Inside was the returned check and a toxic slip of paper reading "Sorry, we have canceled all shipments at this time. Enclosed is your check in the amount of $18.95." 

 After all these years I still remember every toxic word verbatim. My hopes suddenly wilted, withered and browned, then began to crumble and fall all around my feet. There I stood amidst my garden of blowing leaves and dust, viewing with horror and disbelief the desolation. Tears streamed my face. This once fertile soil had now been plowed over into a barren wasteland of disappointment and despair. Somehow, I didn't feel sorry was an adequate apology for decimating the life hopes and dreams of an eight year old boy, and killing his best friend.

The following weeks I sank into deep depression and grief as I was forced to come to terms with the death of that beloved little monkey of my imagination. In time, I was about my usual activities, digging foxholes in the sandbox for protection from the Viet Cong, and scaring the fierce jungle cat up a tree with an onslaught of rubber bands. I even played with the girls again from time to time, and taught them how to make mud pies garnished with dead bugs.

As I look back at this time in my life, it's hard not to laugh at the whole affair, even though its culmination was a horribly devastating experience. I chuckle now at how I had allowed one silly little idea to overtake all my thoughts to the point of ruling my life. Even more amusing is the idea itself; I had actually thought I needed a monkey. How silly and absurd!

Yet, even now as I visit the zoo, I always end up spending the most time around the monkeys and apes. Watching them I become so entranced that I don't even mind the smell. In floods all the fun memories of my childhood monkey dreams. A smile sprouts from within until it blossoms across my face and I'm overtaken by it. Intoxicated I find myself once again, standing in the middle of my tangled little monkey garden. I wonder if I'm fully cured of my childhood addiction, and realize that somewhere beneath all the acquired civility of adulthood, amidst the dark green jungle foliage, lurks Tarzan Lord of the Jungle, with his faithful friend Cheetah!

Education for Education's Sake

While doing the daily things attendant to a stay at home parent, like scrubbing spilt milk and Cheerios off the landing of the stairway, and proceeding to scrub the entire stairway since I'd made a clean spot, it occurs to me so profoundly how seriously overqualified I am for this job.  As a person formally trained in Electrical Engineering and having worked in that profession for nine years, it sometimes pains me to not be utilizing my education, a thing that I paid so much to acquire... in time, attention, and money.

Like many people in this economy who are working either below or outside their education level, I have many moments where I question,  "What the hell am I doing this for?".  With me, fortunately, the answer is very obvious - my kids.  I am raising what I hope to be happy and successful children.  In this I feel my education, and the love of learning that it imbued me with, is serving me, and them, well.

Plus I realize that raising children can be an education in and of itself, starkly along very different lines than the cold hard logic of Engineering.  I think the trick is to apply your mind to whatever it is you are currently engaged in.  I am currently reading a book on parenting and child psychology.  My experience as a parent has spurred my interest in Social Psychology as well.  Take what life presents you and apply your mind to it. There is something to be valued and learned in every human endeavor.

The take home point is this - Education and knowledge will enrich your life far and beyond any monetary reward. It will enrich our society far and beyond the individual's ability to earn a buck. We should place equal, if not greater, emphasis on learning for learning's sake.  The benefits of educating a person go far and beyond the money that it puts into their pocketbook. In our world today (and likely so in times past) so much emphasis is placed on money.  The object of money drives our educational decisions and goals.  Prestige is an attraction point as well, but sadly prestige is also tied to money.  Some of our most lauded professions are also the top money generators.  If there is a degree that derives no applicable end point other than achieving that grand goal of generating money, that degree is considered a wasted effort.  Keeping the point of this essay in mind, consider that teachers, whom it can be argued do the most good for the most people, are also the worst paid and the some of the most poorly treated professionals, especially when you consider the level of education they operate at and have sacrificed to obtain, many even with Masters or Doctorate degrees.  A sad state of affairs if we really value education.

Money, or lack thereof, is also a great impediment to people who desire to obtain an education.  The rising cost of education is a huge problem and much discussed.  Universities have been turned over to the big business model with emphasis on the bottom line above the loftier goal of betterment of humanity...enter money once again.

Enter the Internet to the rescue.   I love the Internet!  It is such a force for good...or it can be.  Sadly it predominantly sinks to the LCD (lowest common denominator).  It is such a powerful force in learning and the exchange of information. I use it daily to research and learn things...I love learning and hope to do it till I die.

One Major Caution - "USE THE SOURCE LUKE!".  One thing that experience on the Internet should help you do is to cultivate a healthy skepticism. Be initially skeptical of information.  Be aware that corporations often sponsor sites and studies to promote them or their product....Again with the money.  Check the source(s) thoroughly. If people make wild claims without evidence, sound logic, or credible sources feel free to dismiss them and their ideas. People are biased and many have an agenda.  Research who is saying it and what/where they are getting their information from...also don't consult just one opinion or source...check at least three reliable sources.  The freedom of information also requires vetting of information too...once again life teaches us that there are no easy answers...but it is worth the effort if you hope to acquire solid information for your questions.

I imagine a day when people will be able to get much of their education via the Internet, in a very cost effective and maybe even a free way.  The trick is to get people to use this wonderful tool for good and useful purposes...rather than just to titillate their senses.  Sadly too many people tend to favor their animal brains (The limbic system with its attendant urges known as the 5 Fs - Fight, Flight, Feed, Forage, Fool Around-or better know as the Fword) over their upper brains (their cortex).  The dilemma we face in this information age is how to educate and motivate people to want to be educated, and teach people how to be critical and abstract thinkers with the ability to filter and vet information.

"Thinking is America’s national disability. I’m all for anything that provokes Americans to think." - Paul Craig Roberts. 

Viva la revolucion!  Viva la Internet!  Up with people!  Knowledge is Power.  A love of learning and gaining knowledge will bless our lives and the lives of others...keep learning and value your education for education's sake whatever you may be doing presently.  Try to apply your mind to it.  There are lessons to be learned in almost anything.

Well, that's all for now...time to go wetvac barf off the couch...my 2 year old is sick today.

Managing Mood Without Drugs

.....Simple and natural solutions that the drug industry does not push, nor want you to know or do.

Certain times of year (usually Spring turning to Summer or Fall going to Winter) are hard for many people who experience depression (or mania) ... it is generally a high point for depressive episodes.  For people feeling depressed right now, or who have a history of depression, and who may also have a strong aversion to taking drugs, or bad experiences with such, I offer the following things which can be done to manage depression without the use of medication, or along with your medication. These things can be done by anyone to improve their overall mood and health, depressed or not.

Be aware that taking a pill every day is much easier than the effort required to do these things, but the following have been shown to be highly therapeutic, and when followed trump pills hands down, with NO SIDE EFFECTS ... except for happiness and an improved outlook.  I am no psychiatrist.  I am Bi-polar, well managed I might add. The information here comes from my own research and experience in trying to manage and overcome my own depression and mania - hopefully it will help others too.  

Keep in mind that all of these things below can be done in conjunction with medication ... it is not a case of either-or. 

If you are currently on medication please continue it.  If you desire to wean yourself off your medication please discuss this decision and these methods with your doctor, and do so under their care. Some antidepressants/antipsychotics cannot just be stopped cold turkey without adverse reactions, and rebounds.  

Realize that the medical profession has a huge predisposition to prescription. Psychology (counseling and therapy) is somewhat a dying art, in favor of science: Psychiatry, which is basically plying drugs in trying to find the "right" chemical cocktail. Some physicians may not be cool with you NOT taking drugs given your situation, or given theirs.  Pay attention to their advice, especially if you're in an extreme place where your judgement is not clear (depression or mania).  If you're seeing a psychiatrist, it's a pretty safe bet that your judgment or something surrounding your head-space is off in some degree.  No matter how much we stigmatize mental illness, there is nothing wrong with seeing a Psychiatrist, or seeking mental health and wellness.  If you ask me, everyone is mentally ill, in one shape or form (or many). Some people are just mentally ill in socially acceptable and functional ways.

1. Exercise: Exercise daily at least 30 minutes. If possible get outdoors in the sunshine and fresh air (hard to do sometimes with an inversion or bad weather). Do anything active, especially if you enjoy it. This should be something that elevates your heart rate and gets the blood moving.  Extensive research shows that the increased blood flow to the brain which is achieved during exercise can improve brain function, memory, and stave off Alzheimer's.

Exercise and Alzheimer's: http://phys.org/news205430929.html

Exercise and Mood: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/depression-and-exercise/MH00043

Exercise and Memory: http://www.memory-improvement-tips.com/exercise.html

It's interesting that something as simple as exercise is such a common and effective solution to many of the health problems people experience today, not just those of the mind. There is truly a mind-body connection. This is why Exercise tops off my list.  The rest are somewhat random.

2. Positive Self Affirmation: Watch your inner dialogue closely (the peanut gallery).  Cut short thoughts which are negative, and while acknowledging problems and issues, try to find the good things in yourself, the situation, and in others.  PMA = Positive Mental Attitude.  If you run, cycle, or otherwise exercise, write yourself a self affirming cadence, much like they use in the military for training cadets to love the Armed Forces.  "I am great oh yes I am...I eat meat and I love spam...I love to sing I love to run, I go running just for fun!"   If you are embarrassed to sing it out loud, sing it in your head.  Whatever, make it reinforcing to you and your desired self and behaviors.  Fake it till you make it.  If you tell yourself something long enough you will believe it and it becomes part of you.  It becomes your story. Dare to tell yourself a different story, or look at the story anew.  Whatever you believe, believe first and foremost in you.  Don't be reluctant to congratulate yourself, for even small successes and accomplishments.  See also Mindfulness (i.e. Google it).

3. Omega-3: Take a high dose of an omega-3 suppliment daily. Studies have shown a good therapeutic effect of Omega-3 Oil on mood.  I take 3 grams a day (three 1000mg pills), but your effective dose may vary.   The great thing about this is that since it is a food you cannot overdose on it (it's just fish oil).  A study has shown a few adverse effects of high doses but consider the source of that study (It is my opinion that the FDA is in bed with big pharma - google that if interested). Find a good source with high levels of EPA and DHA, also be aware that Mercury levels can be a problem in low quality sources. I came by this information by reading The Omega-3 Connection http://www.amazon.com/The-Omega-3-Connection-Groundbreaking-Anti-depression/dp/0684871386,

But there is a lot of information online,  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Omega-3_fatty_acid 

4. Gratitude-Appreciation: Make a list, mental or physical, of the things for which you are grateful.  Refer to this list as a daily ritual.  Each day try to mentally add one thing after reading the list ... this can be something as mundane as appreciating the fact that you have running water, or paper to write on - compare your current situation with the thousands of years of human history and suffering and appreciate your place in time. There are many things you experience every day that are a blessing and a joy, and you are so acclimated to the comfort that you miss the intrinsic joy, or at least the appreciation that you should be feeling. Our minds are differential engines, state machines that are constantly comparing and evaluating things. Practicing gratitude and appreciation helps you acknowledge that things are pretty darn good, and could be a lot worse. Tape this list in a location you see every day - like by the mirror where you brush your teeth.  Also, try to find one thing each day you look forward to ... even if it's something so simple as eating dinner with your family or hugging your kid/spouse.

5. UV Light: Daily exposure to full spectrum ultra-violet light can greatly improve your mood.  I try to get at least 30 minutes a day. This can be a UV light panel set up by your computer, or where you like to read (I read in front of a window with southern exposure almost every day).  This can also be done in conjunction with your daily exercise ... if you have a treadmill, setup an ultraviolet (full spectrum) light source by it while you walk or run.  If you can get out in the sunshine, do it.  This is also know as Seasonal Affective Disorder - SAD.  I have a theory that it is a residual evolutionary hibernation mechanism to which some people are more sensitive, shutting down as the daylight hours decrease.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seasonal_affective_disorder

6. Diet: A diet high in nutrients and fiber is very beneficial.  Avoid eating high calorie-low nutrient foods on a regular basis - sadly this describes most fast food, and most American's diet.  This diet will almost certainly mess you up in more ways than just your mood. Try to eat foods in their whole and unprocessed state, even if it's just an apple or a carrot a day.  Look for natural foods which are rich in color - this usually indicates high nutrient content.  Try to eat a diversely decorated salad with lots of different greens routinely, or if not that at least a few vegetables every day. Snack on a stalk of Celery or a Carrot.  Grind flax seed and sprinkle it liberally over your Oatmeal, yogurt, or in your morning protein shake (Flax Seed is a natural precursor to Omega-3 production in the body).  Hydration is also important to nutrition and proper metabolism. Drink water - not soda or "energy" drinks.  Actively be aware of your sugar intake and avoid too much sugar (sugar crash among other harmful effects).  Processed sugar is ubiquitous in our foods, and can put you on a sugar cycle of high and low energy states that are easily mistaken for mood.  There are all kinds of good things to eat and drink - This is one more thing to be thankful for and take note of as advised in step 4, that you enjoy such a plentiful and varied choice of food - enjoy that variety, and ditch or highly limit the addictive stuff.

7. Vitamin D: Studies have shown that Vitamin D deficiencies can effect mood.   I take a daily dose of 1000 I.U.  This goes along with points 5 and 6.  http://www.livestrong.com/article/511578-does-vitamin-d-affect-your-moods/

8. Smile Therapy: Practice forcing a smile for a prolonged period each day - The Pencil Trick - place a pencil between your teeth and do not let your lips touch it. This forces a smile that can be maintained for a long period of time.  The following video by Dr. Lynn Johnson contains some really good information about this therapy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LmNDwFmsFmo  When you smile in daily experiences, try to make that smile as genuine as possible, smile from the heart.  This is known as the Duchenne Smile.  If you have the ability, look at yourself in the mirror for a prolonged period of time and find your happy place - see how your face changes.  Try to find a genuine mind and body connection between your facial expression and your happiness - this is also a Duchenne smile and it involves all the related muscles in your face and around your eyes. aka micro-expressions.  You are transmitting this signal daily to others and it definitely affects how they treat you and see you. We (our brains) are highly skilled at reading people's faces and are tuned in to these micro-expressions.  Tune yourself :)

9. CBT - Cognitive Behavioral Therapy:  This is a very broad and deep subject.  I personally feel that once learned it can be practiced independently from a Psychiatrist.  I have never had CBT. All the psychiatrists I've seen only felt the need to prescribe me medication, and never anti-depressants, and never therapy.  The adage about hammers and nails comes to mind.  I have researched CBT on my own and applied the principles to my own behavior and thinking.  In a nutshell, the approach seeks to examine and root out thinking errors - bad thinking and rationale that lead to bad behavior and mental anguish.  It is a very effective therapy.  If you see a psychiatrist/psychologist, request that they practice this with you if they are so trained.  This practice has a lot of commonality with mindfulness and meditation (See 2 and 15). http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_behavioral_therapy

10. Laugh: Learn to laugh at yourself and others.  Lighten up - cut yourself some slack.  Do not blame yourself for being sad. Don't label yourself as an inherently sad person.  Label yourself as a happy person who loves humor and laughing and being happy, that is sometimes sad, and for good reasons.  Don't expect that you will always be happy, and don't frame unhappiness as personal failure.  See sadness and disappointment as a natural part of life, not a personal defect.  Recognize situational factors for your sadness that are external, and look for positive ways to deal with, think about, and overcome these situations. Realize that there may be genetic physiological reasons for your condition, and that this is just something you must learn to manage.  Engage with people who make you laugh and feel good about yourself, and treasure these relationships.  Read the comics. Find a Joke-of -the-Day.  Look for things which lighten your mood and make you laugh and smile.  Dare to be happy - dare to be stupid. :)  A good laugh session can do wonders for your mood - rent and watch a video of your favorite comedian or a funny movie. If you're so inclined I hear there's Something about Merry...that is if you wanna. :)

11 - Low-T:  If you are a man of increasing years you may be suffering from Low Testosterone.  There is a strong link between mood and motivation and testosterone levels. The good news is that many of the behaviors listed here can be effective in treating Low-T WITHOUT the use of topical testosterone, which is expensive and creates its own problems (short circuits the body's natural T production and shrinks your nuggets).  Exercise and diet can be shown to naturally increase testosterone.  Zinc is important in testosterone production. There are specific foods which have natural testosterone increasing effects - like oysters and celery, among others.  http://lowtestosteronesymptoms.org/natural-testosterone-foods/

12 - Overweight: There is a strong correlation between being overweight and being depressed.  Again, many of the things suggested here can also be effective at managing your weight.  The phrase "Fat & Happy" is just a cover up. Most people who are fat are not really happy.  The reasons can be shown to be both mental (body image) and physical (body function). Reducing and managing your weight is one of the best things you can do for your mood and happiness.

13 - Music and Dance: Physical movement to music that you really enjoy is therapeutic.  Even if it's bobbing your head to your favorite song while you drive - DO IT. Sing it out!  Enjoy music with abandon.  Listen to energetic and uplifting music, from classical, jazz, to pop or hip-hop -doesn't matter, whatever you enjoy.  Just waving your arms like a conductor to a rousing classical piece will make you feel better.  Physical movement and activities get you in touch with your body and out of your head. Done in conjunction with music it can't be beat! (especially with a good beat).  Sign up for an aerobics class or any other class that involves movement and music. They're a perfect fit for this activity, and you also get to be out and around other people.

14. Sleep: Sleep deprivation can contribute seriously to a person's mood.  Many times crankiness or irritability can be directly linked to just being tired.  Establish a regular routine with your sleep. Go to bed at the same time every night.  Make sure you are getting enough sleep. An ongoing pattern not getting the required amount of sleep can be a major contributing cause of weight gain, grumpiness, and irritability.  Sleep apnea may also be contributing to your depression. (losing weight can reduce apnea).  There is much information about how to establish good sleep habits online - just Google "Practice Good Sleeping Habits" or the like. There's a wealth of good information on this topic.  If you have trouble relaxing and unwinding to the point of being able to sleep, might I recommend a good indica, if you live where that can be legally prescribed. ;)

15. Meditation/Body Connection: Sometimes when I'm all wound up and hypo-manic, the best way to turn it off is of course sleep, but for obvious reasons that often fails.  For this mind state calming meditation, or yoga, or anything that gets you in touch with your body is beneficial. A massage is great for calming your mind and getting you "in touch" with your body, especially when paired with soothing music.  Physical activity each day, along with taking time to center and calm your mind can help you calm the stress, the anxiety, or the hypo-mania (excitement) enough to get a good night's sleep.  

16. ROUTINE ... ROUTINE, ROUTINE, ROUTINE: All of the above conditions and behaviors involve establishing and following a routine, a pattern of behavior.  People with Bi-polar disorder (I don't know about those with just depressive disorder) are characterized by a general disability toward following a routine, and consistency in general.  This is my observance and opinion, but when sharing this with my doctor she emphatically agreed that this is often the case.   The more you can establish a daily routine, the better.  Start off small and do what you can right now.  You don't have to do everything in this list. Pick the ones you feel would be most beneficial to your situation. If you learn to organize your thoughts and your immediate world circumstances you will be better equipped to handle it. 

When a person is depressed their motivation is generally very low.  This creates a catch-22 situation. It's very hard to act your way out of a depressive episode when that very depression severely reduces your desire to act.  Do what you can.  As you do things you want to accomplish, these little successes can be tremendous for lifting your mood and self esteem.

ROUTINE, ROUTINE.  ROUTINE can be your DREAM.


Arm yourself with information. 
Here are two other blogs related to mood and thinking

Word Traps < -- > Thinking Traps

Manic Me - Managing Mania

I wish you peace, love, and happiness.