In it I listed some of the things a person could DO, to improve (or ground) their mood. I was mostly speaking to depression, but some of the items there work just as well for Mania. Although I intend to focus here on my tools for mania, some of the stuff here works for depression just as well.
Most especially, I want to focus on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). I've never been through CBT, and haven't studied it closely, so this is a layman's, "hands on", "grain of salt" perspective. CBT is the overall shell of much that I shared in my previous post on mood and drugs. CBT is a combination of knowing things and doing things.
I hate it when someone says, "do this", i.e. "Just Do It". It sounds nice, and powerful, but most people need more information to "Do It" than "Just Do It.". To some degree we certainly learn by doing, but we learn better and more efficiently when armed with information. So here is my effort to expand on my "do it" statements within that previous post, and from the manic side.
WRITE IT DOWN - GET IT OUT: Because I'm hypo-manic right now, organizing my thoughts and expressing them cohesively is a challenge. I'll try to organize all this and keep it as short as possible
Here's my first pithy tip: When in a whirling wild blizzard of thoughts stake your ground; write them down.
When I start going hypo, I carry a paper and pencil everywhere, and write thoughts as they come. Each one comes so fast that I don't have time to really delve into it before another one comes - everything is so tangential, so connected, so deep. I've found it good practice to tag the thought with as few short mnemonics as possible to capture what I want to write later. These are usually metaphors, and tagged with initialism ordered as most memorable, e.g. BTC = Bugs Tripping Camels. This becomes more salient if your thoughts are about any of those things (e.g. Strain at a gnat and swallow a camel), and especially helpful mentally if I don't have a way to record it at the moment. If I have pen and paper with me I can usually jot down more defining words to better approach the "inspiration", before the next one comes.
Everything seems so important, so connected, so related, so meaningful, beautiful, and deep. Once you settle down a bit you might realize maybe some of them weren't all that. When hypo-manic I'm wearing huge beer goggle telescopes. My head is so full that I need to get it out. Like a loving drunk, I want everyone to know my inner thoughts and share the love. It's like drinking too much beer and really having to pee.
I remember a somewhat recent long trip back from Evanston to Salt Lake. I'd had a lot to drink, but not drunk mind you. My sister in law was driving my sister and me in her car. I stupidly forgot to pee before leaving and was too embarrassed to have her stop and let me go on the side of the road, or even to ask her to visit a rest stop (I don't remember even seeing one). So I held it all the way back to my house - It hurt so badly I thought I was going to die!
This is how it feels to have a head full of thoughts, very salient thoughts, lots of pressure bulging and bursting. If you have manic or depressive tendencies, bottling up your thoughts and feelings too tightly, and for too long will hurt you. All that said ....
FIGHT THE URGE TO SHARE OPENLY WITH EVERYONE:
One of the signs of mania is Pressure Talking. You are very verbal, and see very deep, connected, and meaningful things in what others may see as either mundane, not worth dwelling on, and, "So what everyone knows that.". You want to share the gold you've found at the end of the rainbow. The gold no one thinks is real or obtainable. If you share and people don't "get it", or pay your observations proper respect, you will feel frustrated and upset. This only serves to fuel the fire. The thing to realize is this - you are in a space that cannot be communicated to other people. No matter how you try, you can only come close to describing the experience and the mindset. Most people do not experience joy and the profound at this level, unless they've done some psychoactive drugs, but even then their experience depends on their set and setting. You have a set that gets you here. I haven't done psychoactive drugs, but hearing some people talk about their experiences (like Ecstasy, LSD, Mushrooms, and DMT) I get a sense of similarity. Fight the urge to share the joy and take people with you - sadly they cannot come, and you cannot convey. Discretion will protect you from scaring the hell out of them, and getting yourself committed.
GOD'S SPIGOT When I'm hypo-manic (even manic) it feels like reaching out into the universe, touching it with both hands and connecting, plucking out some tiny bits of information, which all lead to other bits. I don't really 'own' it, it's just out there for the taking. Once I hold it enough to real-ize it, it becomes a real part of me and my behavior, then I 'own' it in that sense, but I still try to remain detached. We really don't own information, we just tap into it. I like to think of it as god's spigot that we tap into and feel the flow... I also have to remember that that spigot is more like a fire hose which will blast my brain if not careful. So most importantly it has a regulating knob. Full blast, it is extremely overwhelming - you cannot grok it all. It will drive you insane.
The best that could be hoped for is a safe and non-confrontational environment to get it all out - there are likely some deep underlying issues as to why you are behaving this way. But if you share it, most people will judge you too mad or too sad (probably correctly), and you will scare them (very much so if it goes too far, which it usually does). They will undervalue you and depreciate you which, as said, only adds fuel to the fire. So...
DO NOT SHARE IT VOCALLY- fight the urge to share, as long as you haven't reached your "dipstick warning level". People will almost always not understand you, be able to keep up, or grok the depth you are at; you may not understand either. You may have dived too deeply and recovered precious pearls, or maybe what you think are such.
Here are a few of my thoughts on deep thinking:
If you look closely enough at anything you can find a way to love it (or hate it). It's not what's in the thing, so much as what is in you. If you think that what you see is all that the thing is you will misjudge it. If you hold it too isolated and extreme it will harm you.
One of the greatest mistakes we make is by making things too great.
Delusion is usually the mind making more of metaphor, or taking ideas too far.
Everywhere I look I can find things to inspire, to help me be better and get better if that is my goal.
If something speaks to you - listen.
My mind is my telescope with which I can see deeply. What I see depends on the direction I point it and how clearly and deeply I focus out into space.
Manic people usually feel they need to write a book or share something profound with the world in some way. Many manics (myself included) feel an uncontrollable need to write. I think this is the best kind of therapy that you can do for yourself - write down and explore your thoughts - try to consider them in a detached way. If you can experience your thoughts in a detached and observant state of mind, and that mixed with love not fear, you will make progress. Try to consider the flip-sides - and give them their due.
It's natural to ignore or miss the flip side, because by definition it contradicts our ideas, but your ideas and perception won't be complete without doing so. Learn to flip yourself off.
If you feel the urge to write a book, keep this tightly in mind; you are not writing a book for everyone - you're writing a book for your self.
People with BiPolar (and depression) are typically under and over estimators. If you are depressed you need to learn to moderate your thinking too. Each extreme side in isolation is addictive and self reinforcing. I am especially prone to overestimating. I've never done drugs, but I've been very high (and very low). You are a thought addict, just like drug, food, and sex addicts. It's quite obvious that mania is a delusional state, but so too is depression.
The world is certainly beautiful, but it is also full of crap, especially if you pay attention to the news, or suffer from depression. I've heard it said that pessimists (depressives) typically have a more accurate read on reality, but optimists have happier and more productive lives. Optimism may not be as accurate, but it is certainly more pragmatic and useful. When you believe there is no point or purpose in life, when you embrace nihilism, and accept the notions that there is no freewill, limited parental influence, no god, etc. these ideas tend to let the air out of your happy balloon. Although they may be true (or highly appear to be true by some of the most educated people); they do not help; they do not ameliorate anything. They make things worse if you believe them, thus really making things worse. They become even more worse when more people believe them. Ideas can create action and "reality". Look for an ideology that is helpful, and that brings out your best self. In this world of gravity everybody has to stand somewhere; make sure you are standing in a place that is best for you, a place that brings you the most balance and joy.
ARM YOURSELF WITH INFO:
Arm your mind with balance. Seek that which balances your current mental state. Focus on the flip side. Learn to flip your self off.
The first step toward learning this is to learn a proper vocabulary that lends better balance and clarity to ideas, and a more accurate categorization and assessment of things:
Word Traps become Thinking Traps
It is also very useful to know as many tools you can use to adjust it within proper ranges as contained in the link I shared at the top of this post: Managing Mood without Drugs
PHYSICALLY CHANNEL IT:
I like to think of my mania as a wild powerful horse - A beautiful white stallion that is my friend who only comes around occasionally. Most the time I'm walking slowly on my way, or have stopped to rest in some warm dark cave. This beautiful horse is such a wonderful sight to see again. She is fast, and gives an exhilarating to ride. The problem is that I need to learn to better ride her. I need to get some tack and saddle. When I first encountered her I was riding her bareback, and I went wild, fast and free ... and fell off in some terrible accidents. I'm learning to bridle and saddle my horse. To fight its urge and mine to run so fast. To fight my urge to kick it too much and push it so far that I hurt or kill it. As you can see, much if what I see is symbolic, abstract, metaphorical, archetypes... It can get really twisted when you take these "messages" as literal and try to apply them in the now, in real life.
Harnessing and taming the horse was the best discovery of early man. My hypo-horse is the best discovery of mine, (at least as I see it). I need to treat it as a gentle master would; maybe then it will come around more often for a nice beautiful relaxing ride. As I ride, I also hope to learn to keep it mostly on the reservation.
You can harness and channel it by doing something tangential to the main stream of thought. When hypo-manic you've got a lot of motivation and energy. Along with keeping notes and writing stuff down, pick a physical task, (e.g. cleaning, running, working out, a special project, a hobby). Whatever it is, do something; pursue whatever your productive interest is at the moment. If depressed try to find someone who understands to talk it out. Write about your sadness and try to get to the bottom of it, the real issues causing you pain. There's a thorn somewhere - get it out.
Listed here are some typical thorny issues:
Relationships/Family
Hanging on to Loss
Religion, Faith Crisis
Extreme or magical thinking warping your ideas
Immaturity/Naivete
Unrealistic Expectations
Poor organizational habits, no routine
Self esteem too low or too high
Language <--> thinking errors
DON'T BE AFRAID TO LOSE IT:
Believe it or not, there's a fear of loss with depression; it's a thought addiction, for some reason you are wallowing in it. Much of my mania is driven by my fear of losing the magic. This causes me to resist help, sleep, and drugs to calm it down. I'm afraid those things will kill it. I now have confidence that with the right efforts I can tap back into it when I wish. Hopefully in a controlled flow state. This confidence of not losing it has helped me greatly in letting it go, and getting it back. Here's a little poem (Written extemporaneously):
Fluid Fleeing Fleeting Thoughts
When I've got a fleeting fleeing thought
it goes and goes and goes.
I hurry so to keep up and keep it up,
getting lost amidst its throes and flows.
But when in quiet peace, restfully reposed
Its soft light alights back on my nose.
So don't fuss and fret my neural net
to capture all things that flit and fly.
These thoughts are still there, so don't despair
You'll find them when you ply, pry, try.
TREAT IT:
In my experience, drugs administered to treat my mania felt a lot like putting a hood over my head, and stabbing a sap collector into my body that drained my energy. As typical, I resisted, thinking I could manage and control it without drugs. Maybe in some sense I could in my current state, but this energy left unbridled will usually run amok. Since I had a terrible history of being so out of control, the people wanting to help me are prone to step in and knock me out before I feel help is really needed. They want to nip it in the bud before it can fully bloom. While this is a good fix, it doesn't stop the plant from growing new buds. Over treating with drugs only covers up the flowering plant from the light making it turn sickly pale and wither. The sickly seeds are merely planted in the ground to emerge again at some later date. These things, although required in an emergency, don't allow me to get to the root and find a place of balance that works for me. It doesn't allow me enough experience with it to learn to manage it. I think that a person should be allowed the space needed to work it out while they're still somewhat rational, and they and others around them should know the warning signs and how to check their dipstick to see when it's time to change the oil.
For me, my dipstick marks are:
Level 1- Becoming more social, Writing a lot, More productive and motivated. More scheduled.
Level 2 - Noticeable change in sleeping habits, staying up later, insomnia, sleeping 5-6 hours. Gregarious. Speaking a lot in rhymes, simile and metaphor. Smiling a lot and finding humor in things.
Level 3- Obsessing too much about things I can't know - the unknowable. Talking a lot and with certainty - I KNOW. Sleeping very little, repeated nights of 3-5 hours. Feeling a great pressure or importance to help people, to share the magic and the profound.
Level 4 - Delusions of grandeur - Thinking I AM god, or Christ, or someone powerful or famous. Seeing divinity in others and exploring profound secrets. Very little sleep (2-3 hours), if any.
These are ranked in seriousness from 1-4. At a certain point, as these things present, my wife and I know it is getting near the time to seriously medicate If/when I start hitting level 3, it's definitely time. She tends to want to medicate too soon - Level 1-2, which is completely understandable, I tend to want to medicate too late - Level 4. We have arrived at this dipstick agreement of level 3. Both parties clearly identifying and knowing the safe zone and the edge of trouble. I have learned to trust her judgement. She is my safety net. Everyone suffering thought addiction needs a sponsor.
At ANY point don't be afraid to treat it. Start first with mild drugs to regulate your energy (when in mild states).
Mild Depression = Mild Stimulants, Coffee, Tea, Energy drinks
Hypo-Mania = Mild Depressants, Beer, Wine, Melatonin or Sleeping pills.
As always, don't be afraid to seek professional help. Find a good doctor. When you're on the wild trapeze you need a good safety net and rigging. Work with your doctor to find a drug(s) which works for you, and maybe even a backup drug for those severe cases when things are spiraling.
We are all Bipolar in some degree - most people experience swings of mood within a normal functional range. The ones we notice are the people who swing too far, or get stuck at extremes. They swing so widely because they feel and sense so deeply. They may be oversensitive people. They have a hard time keeping it in the middle range. Their sensitivity and depth makes each side so attractive. Like crazy gibbons, "We are things that swing at death defying heights" A little swing keeps things fun and interesting, but too much will make you sick, or get you seriously hurt.
Be Happy, and find your middle ... sometimes this takes a lot of navel gazing.
Love you Ron - I appreciate the insight, exposure and openness - you are beautiful, Inside and Out!! :)
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