Word Traps <-> Thinking Traps

Every time to speak is to tell a lie

Intro
Let me tell you right at the outset - this is a subject I am an expert and authority on. I have struggled with bipolar.  I say all this unabashedly and unashamedly.  As I think I have got a pretty god handle on it now.  This topic here, though maybe not a problem with typical thinkers, is a real issue with bipolar illness and people prone to probe deeply.  If your logic is off in the slightest, going deep gets way distorted in the trip.  I personally think everyone can benefit by watching their words, and being careful to use the word that captures the thought they are trying to convey.  However, the information here was crucial to allowing my mind to navigate the data stream experienced during a typical manic episode. It also helps mitigate the occurrence of extreme thinking (and feeling) that is experienced at both poles.

Part of being bipolar is that the language of the mind, the narrative based running script is peppered with hyperbole which is the language of extreme thinking.  I have stepped in a lot of thinking traps, and felt a lot of the pain (and joy) by this. This extreme disease has made me have to really be on my toes, to really think carefully, and to be very observant of contradictions, and exceptions.  I am a deep and sensitive thinker and feeler; this is not just a brag, as it has terrible downsides - Bipolar illness.  I have needed to examine all my thinking errors to stay out of these traps. Doing this has taught me greatly. I hope to help you avoid them too, if possible, and to better navigate your life in this world of thought and perception.

I think this needs saying at the outset as well: Like everyone, most of the crap I spew or pontificate about is extracted from the bowels of my own experience, and is primarily judgment I've digested inwardly for my own benefit.  If you find it foolish, haughty, egotistical, crazy, etc., please remember ... it's really not about you. Please excuse my conflatulence, if you perceive it as such.

Conflatulation - n. A conflation of the word flatulence and congratulation, and meaning anything that has the sound, smell ,or appearance of being self absorbed or self congratulatory. i.e. loving one's own smell.
n. - conflatulence, conflatulator
v. - conflatulate, conflatulated, conflatulating
adj. - conflatulatory, conflatulative

I thought this was a word of my own concoction, but Googled it and found it was already out there - Butt, let me conflatulate by saying, "I like my definition a whole lot better," 

I also feel the need to make some apologies for some of my previous blog posts if the tone was offensive. I was mad, and I was crazy, and I was crazy mad. I was visionary and looking through the warped glass darkly ... because I had some real issues I was trying to work out.  (My Religion, My Father, Losing my First Love, Losing my beautiful naivete, Lies, Being truly Cheated, My broken Mother broken by her mother, A contradictory God ... ).  Maybe I'll go back and correct them. Maybe I'll leave them just as they are, as they somewhat document my journey.  At this point I feel I need to go forward, not back.   

Nitpicky, Over-analytical?
This topic might seem to get a little particular and picky on words and how we use them to thin, communicate, and express ideas.  By some people's view it might seem like straining at gnats and obsessive.  Language is usually best enjoyed casually.  We can forgive other people's occasional language errors if we get what they mean, but when they are a consistent source of communication breakdown - by either party - it doesn't feel that enjoyable anymore.

I hate conversations which are filled with ambiguities such that I need to constantly stop and ask for clarification.  It is highly inefficient and unenjoyable. Many people overuse nondescript words that confuse rather than clarify what they mean.  A simple replacement of the word "he" said ..., with "Steve" said ..., does wonders when the conversation includes multiple male characters, and no economy is lost. So is this request and focus being uptight?

We love to keep things simple and relaxed.  We love Yes OR No answers, while much in life is Yes AND No, with a lot of May Be along the edges.  Contingencies, contradictions, and exceptions abound. The problem is that our language (and thinking) is binary biased (on or off, yes or no, is or isn't). Our universe, more immediately our world, is analog (a smooth transition of degrees or amounts).

Many words, statements, and ideas contain nuance, layers, and metaphor. I think one of the biggest reasons for fight or friction is from misunderstanding due to poor word choice or differing definitions or associations of a word. Many people have no appreciation for nuance, degree, metaphor, or irony.  A word or phrase can be taken many ways. A word can have multiple definitions, some even contradictory! We miss it when we assume it only in the way we understand it, whether intended that way or not.  This goes for both transmitter and receiver.  The best way to tune both is to tune your words.


"I have plenty to criticize, and I thank you for that."... Ambiguity: Making friends everywhere, since forever.

Be Selective
Your language directs your thinking and your thinking directs your language.  Words are how you express your thoughts, and thoughts are saddled by words.  The better your vocabulary, the better your thoughts and ease at expressing them, and digesting them, the better you can describe and understand the nuance of ideas, and the more ideas you can effectively express.  Don't be afraid to be a word nerd.  Read the dictionary and highlight or extract EVERY word you do not know in a form you can easily reference, then practice them, internalize them, and digest them; use them in your thinking and conversation.  Don't be afraid to use them anywhere as appropriate. Also, have fun with a thesaurus, and look up a word to find all the other linked words, and understand their nuance.  This will help arm you by association to find the best word or words for the idea you are trying to convey.

But be careful too. Don't just use big-ass words to show off (and appear a big-ass).  Use the best word(s) to clarify the message.  It also helps to know your audience, and tailor your words to their understanding, using the jargon of their ideology.  This is called speaking to people in context, on their frequency.  Half of the act of communication is reception.  If you are speaking words outside a person's vocabulary, you are doing it wrong and making it worse.  Don't be afraid to simplify. This is what I like to term putting on my special helmet.

When someone says to me, "That's retarded!", I'm proud of myself for slowing it down enough to where it could be easily understood. It's my special helmet worn against knocks to the head. 

If it really is retarded, i.e. not well communicated, or contaning logical flaws, my head will be protected (won't be seriously insulted), and I'll learn something without serious harm, maybe even have a good laugh.  If it wasn't retarded, I won't be offended (again protecting my head) and simply realize that I didn't say it in a way that was understood. I didn't tailor the message, or understand what I was saying and who I was saying it to; I needed to slow it down, maybe even back up the short bus and listen better to what they were saying.  When I'm heavy on my analytical side I get a bit Asperger's on people, becoming too literal and pedantically formal, and becoming a bit clueless of considering emotions of others and social proprieties, and how what I'm expressing could be perceived as offensive or rude. People absolutely hate being over-corrected, whereas I love it.  It's tedious, I know.

Ease Your Foot Off the Pedal We human beings have a tendency to take things to extremes, and out of context.  Everything happens by degrees and in context.  When we isolate something or one, and try to make it pure and grand, completely corrupt and awful we can err by hyperbole and exaggeration.  One of the greatest mistakes we make is making things too great.  This can be applied to bad things, good things, and mediocre things, and all degrees between.  If you clearly know the context, you will understand to what degree.  Everything has a flip side that is just as valid in proper context. And most extremes are best viewed with detachment.  Extremes do exist, but it is unwise to try and exist in them. Extremes are rare things. Much theological thinking trods this territory, and many theological thinkers are trapped in it - spouting absolute truths without really thinking what that means (another topic), especially in the arena of the unknown and the unknowable.  Most things are relative, needing context and connection, both in time and space.  The whole nature of perception is based on sifting and assessing degrees of information.  We (are brains, our senses, and our perceptions) are differential engines.

Many times we get so entrenched in a particular mode of thinking that we often miss or dismiss the other side of the argument, which consideration could serve to mitigate or relax our current ideas. The most common mode of this behavior is called confirmation bias. Confirmation bias, beside being more typically engaged in toward thinking and considering the things we like to think, can also be applied toward the negative with a pessimistic mindset, where the person confirms the things they don't like about themselves and/or others (Cognitive science shows that this mechanism is reflexive - how you think about yourself determines how you are able to think about others, and vice versa).

It's natural to ignore or miss the flip side, because by definition it contradicts your ideas, but your ideas and perception won't be complete without doing so.  Learn to flip your self off! 

Two Sides To Every Story?Dualism, more specifically binary opposition states that everything has a flip side.  It is the nature of reality - Maybe I should say, seems to me that it's the nature of reality... but I feel this very strongly, and have not yet experienced an idea that did not have a flip side.  The extension of dualism is pluralism, which in my opinion is dualism eating itself - oppositions to oppositions, to the point that we get a smooth spectrum of perspectives, and you can alight anywhere along that line, in a mix of multiple interrelated concepts with which too you are somewhere on the spectrum.

This is where most people err, assuming that their experience is cumulative and conclusive. They see themselves are perfect recording devices of what is, and their set and setting as being a true view that is universal to all minds. They take the theory of mind too far in applying commonality of experience and perception. Mentally ill people, especially BiPolars, but also Depressives, Schizophrenics, paranoids, conspiracy theorists, etc. need to be VERY careful with the words they use to frame a thought, especially on things that cannot be know for sure, things that are unknown, and things that are unknowable.  Each of these is a form of extreme thinking. Jumping to conclusions is part of the pervasive human problem of "being certain on scant data".

Be aware that sometimes a simple declarative statement can be extreme without using contextual, mitigating, or mediating modifiers - "I am (usually) happy (now)"

Real Words in the Real World
So next let's look at some real examples of words that are tricky and trip inducing - prone to make you stumble or miscommunicate reality (as much as we can do so). 

Extreme Words (consider all possible conjugations): These are words that should be used with caution (moderately, or with a modifier to communicate context):
100% or 0% 
Absolutely/Absolutely Not
Always/Never
All/None
Certain/Certainly Not
Everything/Nothing
Is/Is Not
Know/Believe (believe quickly turns into know)
Only
Or (vs. And)
Perfect/Unredeemably Flawed
Pure/Filthy
Right/Wrong
Sure/Surely Not
Yes/No

Mediative Modifiers (there are a ton of these too, here are a few):
Also
Although
Along with
And
Appears (to be)
Apt to
Average or Percent
As (as long as, somewhat like, etc)
Believe (Be careful with this one. It usually needs another modifier since people often use it as a replacement for I know. When I use this word it means things I consider but am not too sure about.  It could also be swapped with imagine in my vocabulary, but many people don't hear it like that, since it's been so heavily abused)
Besides
But
Could be
Except (when/if)
However
If/Then
Maybe
Often
More
Most
Less
Likely
Like (comparison)
Seems
Sometimes
Some
When (e.g. This when that)
While

Let me focus on two of my pet peeves in extreme word pairs, oft spoken by children and some adults (besides "That's not fair" - that's a biggie too), always and never.  I like to grudge match these two heavies in this delicious ironic paradox: Always is never the case and never never happens.  Whenever you use extreme words together, especially opposing words, you are likely to get paradox. Paradox is irony on crack.

For brevity's sake I'll focus on "Always", but never is just as rich.
Always: Look around you, is there anything you can point to that does not change?  If you think so, maybe stretch your mind out longer in time or space.  Always is not found in this universe, anywhere!   All things change; all have a beginning, a middle, and an end, or something to that effect...and every end is a new beginning.  Consider the following graph - It can be applied to a lot of ideas and situations.  Lets apply it to always (the tail of green) and never (the tail of red)  See how they fade to zero?  I think they also wrap back on each other, just like the visual zone of the electromagnetic spectrum (green should have been purple in the graph), and the entire spectrum too I see as circular.

Like said, extreme words when used judiciously, usually require a modifier to add clarification, or a modifier to soften the extremity.  For example:  "I have never seen a leprechaun, therefore leprechauns don't exist" Sounds absolutely right, right? - Wrong!  If you know what a leprechaun is then you've likely seen a depiction of one.  Better put is, "I have never seen a real leprechaun." or "Leprechauns are a wonderful imaginary metaphor."  This may seem like splitting leprechaun hairs, but it still is true (I could write a whole piece on leprechauns and the wonderful metaphor there, but I'll spare you).

Leprechauns, like Rainbows, are elusive things.  If you try to catch either as a reality they will both escape you.  There is no "over the rainbow", or "end of the rainbow"  - but just as those statements, rainbows are real as an idea or metaphor.  Rainbows are best looked at for what they are - a beautiful illusion that's real (or a real thing that's an illusion).  They are a combination of physical things that produce something real; seen but not tangible. Much that we think we see or say using words is a beautiful illusion that we think is real (or an awful one).  We are good at manufacturing stress and drama simply by over amplifying things.

I have a good friend who chides me for being so wrapped up in this world, material things, and material ideas, and trying to figure everything out from all angles, especially my obsession with words, trying to find the perfect word, trying to say things without contradiction, and making so much effort to be correct. He calls it trying to cover all my bases. I think if he were to experience a manic episode he would realize why I am trying so hard to be right. He's right, it can trip you up trying to do everything, watch every gotcha, be perfect ... but it's all worth trying for me since I'm prone to getting stuck in thought traps to the degree that it is a very destructive force in my life, and the life of others. Trust me on this - never stop trying, even if you suck, or are impaired in some way.  Whatever your disability or setback, keep trying.

The Story You Tell
All of us live our lives and form our views by feeding and repeating a running personal narrative - the stories we tell to explain ourselves, our experiences, and others ... even the whole meaning of existence.   In this story, if we're not careful with how it is expressed, we can easily derail into delusion.   I think it's important that we use careful words to tell the story to describe things in the most truthful and accurate way possible.  You cannot escape the story you tell.  The way you explain and narrate your experiences confines you to live it that way.

One last thing, which is problematic and a hell of a lot of fun - double meanings and puns.  Some of the best comedy comes from people misunderstanding each other, or using words and sentences that can be taken two or multiple ways.  I love wordplay, and I often us it to say what I mean without offending people, or giving them the option to take it how they may.  The way they take it tells me a lot about their mindset.  It also tells me a lot on how to talk to them, and their level of understanding.  You have to be sharp to catch a pun, or a twisted meaning.  When I'm manic this is a source of much of my pleasure seeing things and expressions from multiple angles.  This reality makes the following so true:

To speak is to tell a lie - to speak well is to ask forgiveness.

Cheers & Love


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