Many people seek their own worth and find great purpose by helping others. It's a very strong altruistic thread in our evolution as group animals. These people are generally wonderful to have around ... as long as the inner demons are fed and they are in symbiosis with their altruism and with their patients (and patience).
Unfortunately, this altruistic thread can become twisted and tangled, wherein the "helpful" person does not feel "worthwhile" unless there is someone worse off than they are, and thus they are needed. So the mind is quick to manufacture need, or lack in others. When the in-feed to this drive is starved, or shut off completely, or their help has been effective and the person is thriving, a.k.a. they don't need your help anymore, much of the primal hive drive mindset of helping translates to a lot of Stuart's "Look what I can do!" ... Of which, I've been plenty guilty as charged.
... and could it be possible that the "helpers" do some manufacturing of the other person's dysfunction for them? Maybe by over-blowing it, or not letting it go, and thus achieving a relational state of dominance/dependency? Could it be that those who would be helped are also playing along to some degree in this passive-aggressive codependency? "I don't feel loved without someone willing to invest and help me, thus I'll play a victim or act incapable or become disruptive to get the attention I need.". While at the same time the helper is thinking, "I don't feel worthwhile without someone who needs me. I need a special project." (I'm currently struggling with this as I raise my kids - them constantly asking me to do things for them, of which they are fully capable, and me feeling like a schmuck when I tell them to "Help themselves").
This becomes the role of many a Guru - unable to help themselves by themselves as a true ascetic would, alone and unnoticed, and un-noted by others; a forgotten self thrown alone into the abyss of solitude, as the practice originally prescribes ... they instead seek to find themselves by pretending to be better and wiser than everyone else in some or many ways, and they must do this in some form of public display, usually consisting of some weird kind of freakishness, or self torture, like levitating, playing with venomous snakes or hanging weights from their ball sack (Just more, "Look what I can do!").
And in the end of these stories that we are all mutually acting out, it's really a coin toss, in the play acting we get to do, over just who gets to be the hero and who is the ne'er do well; who is the wise teacher and who is the foolish student. A good referent for this is the case of the Golden Child in Buddhism. I believe that if you put anyone in the heavy situation of being the ultimate #1 from birth, highly revered and expected to teach, lead, and guide others, you'd end up with a very good person, no matter what baby batter was put up to the plate, as long as everyone believes it ... just like the 14th Dali Lama is today. He has no special knowledge that you cannot transcend simply by sharing a cupcake with a friend, or smiling genuinely at a stranger.
Truth is, I never needed anyone to tell me who or how to be. All I needed was to be loved and accepted unconditionally for who I was at the time, which surprisingly is the only thing you can be, ever. And in the end of striving to be "Me", after all the Mrs judgement, I discovered that the only one whose love and acceptance really matters on the pages of my accounting is me, and if it comes down to it, me alone. There is absolutely no one paying attention to you as much as you do - so ask yourself, "Who, besides some magical man in a skirt, maybe even a funny hat, is your best judge?" You have more information about you than anyone, especially if you can be honest with it.
A lot of times other people's "help" was only their imposed judgement on how I should be more like them (which at its core is ignorance unbounded) ... But telling this, "I don't need you", to other group animals, especially those with a Messiah complex, will hurt their feelings, and you'll likely be adequately ostracized and forgotten from their lives for your lack of need. Most people need to be needed most.
So I play along much of the time, with the "need and be needed" bit, since I've always had a huge soft spot for animals, and love to hang around with all of them, especially the humans, being the great ape that I am. And I just love trading a lot of high fives in creative ways, the jokes, and all the music and laughter ... pretty much all the goodness and joy to be had on this beautiful planet ... especially when they use the hands they were dealt and for the love of all that's good and holy, "Help Themselves!".
If Noah, an analog to many a child's fictional hero Dr. Dolittle, existed (and it's highly likely that he didn't), I'm sure he felt this way when he got off that ark, and was ready for a major vacation from taking care of all those animals day in and day out. I'll bet he had a hard time getting rid of a lot of them, and I'll bet it irked the hell out of him when he stopped to consider, "What in the world did they do before I got involved?" And just like animals, because WE ARE ANIMALS, many people will use you as long as you're willing to help. Many people will stay in the cage as long as their needs are met, rather than leaving and fending for themselves.
As for my kids? Well, they're my chimps for life, and I love them dearly, with the depth of love every good parent naturally feels toward the lives they chose to bring to pass. And I, as with every good ape parent, realize that I am their designated trainer and keeper, hoping to do the job well before turning them loose into the wild to hopefully thrive among the leaps and thrills of life. Seeing this joy and thriving among those in our charge is among the best and lasting joys we experience as mostly hairless apes, especially when seeming effortless.
#LoveMyKids ... so ... #PleaseHelpYourself ... because ... #DoingIsLearningandLearningYourHighestPerchAndBestView
