I
DID IT!
April 12, 1999
If you stop to consider the probability
of it happening, the shear numbers would astound and amaze you. The
odds were upwards of one trillion to one that I could do it, and yet
I did it! One trillion is a quantity unfathomable by the human mind but that didn't stop me. Ha-Ha!
At hearing this I’m sure you’d say
“That’s impossible against those odds! I can’t believe you did
it! …. By the way, just what did you do?"
Well I'm coming to that, but it’s true, I did do it, I made it, and I am here today as walking talking proof of that fact.
Just thinking about my Herculean feat, I feel somewhat like a superman. Of course you did it too, along with everyone else alive (and dead). You see the thing I did which we all treat so lightly, was that I made it into life, into existence. I beat the odds to exist and in doing so became all of that special someone only I can be.
Well I'm coming to that, but it’s true, I did do it, I made it, and I am here today as walking talking proof of that fact.
Just thinking about my Herculean feat, I feel somewhat like a superman. Of course you did it too, along with everyone else alive (and dead). You see the thing I did which we all treat so lightly, was that I made it into life, into existence. I beat the odds to exist and in doing so became all of that special someone only I can be.
We, and most of what we call life, are
the expression of a unique combination of two tiny voyageurs; one
highly unique sperm paired with a single unique egg. We are
the outcome of the unlikely union of these two gametes, who each
brought to the table their unique blueprints and construction plans.
They got together and from there on dictated precisely how
everything would be built. We are the outcome of that unique
pairing, physically and mentally. Our appearance, our hair, eye,
skin color, height, body style, mental ability, temperament,
aptitude, personality, etc. is all coded and began by these hapless
microscopic half wits. Simply put we are a composite of all our
parts, and what determines those parts? The unique pairing of
chromosomes found within those two gametes - that unique and highly
improbable combination that started each of us off towards sentience in the form of Human.
These two gametes when paired contained
the coding for everything which would comprise you - including your
mind, and all its aptitudes and inherent abilities. They detailed
its structure, how it would be shaped and folded, as well as your
unique thought and behavior patterns (neural networks), which at a
basic level comprise your personality. You’re entire existence is
but a simple by-product of the chance meeting of these two gametes
which define you. You are coded within the infinite we call the Cosmos - Celebrate That!
I had my beginning as half of me
swimming and wiggling my heart out as a tiny sperm among about six
million competitors. Catapulted into the dark void, we hapless
haploids set out madly to reach the all compelling nirvana contained
within that mythical egg of legend. Somehow we knew we weren't whole and complete without it. As I swam it was like I was
instinctively drawn to that missing part which comprised the other
half of me, and I loved her best...so she let me in.
The swim itself was quite an exhausting journey. Many got lost or sidetracked. Maybe their auto-pilots weren't working correctly or as well as those of us with fine tuned inner compasses. They swam in circles or back to the unloading point, or some just hung out swimming in chaotic patterns of intertwined elliptical circles like a crazed spirograph. They got distracted on the way
Still to this day I don’t know what kept me swimming in the right direction or so fervently. Maybe it was the push of competition, or maybe my over inflated ambition, or maybe just the plain need to express myself. But whatever it was, suddenly there up ahead was the fountain of youth. We swarmed the prize, millions of us covering and hogging every available space to be found on its curved surface. Some girls, some boys, all fighting it out in a world without rules or regard for sex or status. We each, who had made the exhaustive journey, wanted to claim the golden girl.
What a fracas, pushing shoving poking and hitting. Heads and tails banging into each other. Forget love thy neighbor here pal, this fight was all out selfishness - each sperm for itself. Forget compassion, forget empathy, that crap doesn’t cut it when you’re fighting a multitude of millions for a one way ticket to sentient-ville.
Cracking the code, the egg's protective shell split before me and I dove in. Maybe she recognized me and could sense that I had the key of we. The security system quickly closed tightly around my entrance and formed an impenetrable barrier denying all others entrance. An intruder at this point would spell death for us all. I was in and had emerged the victor over all those countless others banging madly outside and struggling in despair as they resigned their quest to live. Slowly outside the madness waned as each one of millions wiggled in their defeat to be absorbed by the uterine void.
The swim itself was quite an exhausting journey. Many got lost or sidetracked. Maybe their auto-pilots weren't working correctly or as well as those of us with fine tuned inner compasses. They swam in circles or back to the unloading point, or some just hung out swimming in chaotic patterns of intertwined elliptical circles like a crazed spirograph. They got distracted on the way
Still to this day I don’t know what kept me swimming in the right direction or so fervently. Maybe it was the push of competition, or maybe my over inflated ambition, or maybe just the plain need to express myself. But whatever it was, suddenly there up ahead was the fountain of youth. We swarmed the prize, millions of us covering and hogging every available space to be found on its curved surface. Some girls, some boys, all fighting it out in a world without rules or regard for sex or status. We each, who had made the exhaustive journey, wanted to claim the golden girl.
What a fracas, pushing shoving poking and hitting. Heads and tails banging into each other. Forget love thy neighbor here pal, this fight was all out selfishness - each sperm for itself. Forget compassion, forget empathy, that crap doesn’t cut it when you’re fighting a multitude of millions for a one way ticket to sentient-ville.
Cracking the code, the egg's protective shell split before me and I dove in. Maybe she recognized me and could sense that I had the key of we. The security system quickly closed tightly around my entrance and formed an impenetrable barrier denying all others entrance. An intruder at this point would spell death for us all. I was in and had emerged the victor over all those countless others banging madly outside and struggling in despair as they resigned their quest to live. Slowly outside the madness waned as each one of millions wiggled in their defeat to be absorbed by the uterine void.
Once inside I spied my other half and
immediately shed my clothing, my other half seeing me did the same and we
united and fused in the glorious beginning of the expression of ME, of US, of WE. I
won against insurmountable odds! I, who almost certainly should never
be, AM. I won, therefore I am.
However, this was just half the story
of me. The other half begins with that unique golden egg desired by
millions. The story of this egg which defines my other half also
contains a preponderance of probabilistic wonder. This other half of
me, what we call the egg, had to struggle against the odds too, first
to get free and have our turn at the right moment, then to make it to
the right place at the right time, and meet my other half before
anyone else got to me. Unlike my sperm counterpart who swam with the
swarm of millions, I only competed with four hundred other candidates
who are chosen and released sequentially, and at a slow rate of
usually only one a month. Getting chosen for release is the first hurdle, the
next is being released at the magic time. I was released alone, but
I still had to compete with all those others waiting for that
opportunity which only comes once in a new moon.
Finally I was chosen and cultured like a prize pearl in prep school being made ready for my blind date with destiny. When that magic time came, I said goodbye to my alma matter, popped out and leapt up into a freakishly Fallopian fingered funnel. Once in, I was escorted along on a magic carpet ride where the carpet stayed still and I floated across its waves - it tickled my belly and I laughed all the way (maybe that’s why I’m so ticklish there now?). As I was dropped at my destination, I picked a nice location, primped a bit to look presentable and then waited some more for that special someone.
Of course by now waiting was second nature. Being one of four hundred to be sent, the waiting and hoping can be horrendous, and then once picked there comes the worry that you won't be dropped at the right time. Or worse a waiting wall-flower unattended and unnoticed at the ball.
Well, after all that waiting and worrying you sort of develop a protective shell, and learn to go with the flow. Besides, many of my predecessors were dropped into oblivion, never to meet that special someone, dying lonely and unexpressed, why should it be any different for me? Unexpressed and fading into oblivion, just like the millions of those long distance swimmers, each one half an individual with hopes and dreams, eventually drowned in defeated exhaustion.
You see the chances of a gamete actually making it out alive are very, very slim.
Finally I was chosen and cultured like a prize pearl in prep school being made ready for my blind date with destiny. When that magic time came, I said goodbye to my alma matter, popped out and leapt up into a freakishly Fallopian fingered funnel. Once in, I was escorted along on a magic carpet ride where the carpet stayed still and I floated across its waves - it tickled my belly and I laughed all the way (maybe that’s why I’m so ticklish there now?). As I was dropped at my destination, I picked a nice location, primped a bit to look presentable and then waited some more for that special someone.
Of course by now waiting was second nature. Being one of four hundred to be sent, the waiting and hoping can be horrendous, and then once picked there comes the worry that you won't be dropped at the right time. Or worse a waiting wall-flower unattended and unnoticed at the ball.
Well, after all that waiting and worrying you sort of develop a protective shell, and learn to go with the flow. Besides, many of my predecessors were dropped into oblivion, never to meet that special someone, dying lonely and unexpressed, why should it be any different for me? Unexpressed and fading into oblivion, just like the millions of those long distance swimmers, each one half an individual with hopes and dreams, eventually drowned in defeated exhaustion.
You see the chances of a gamete actually making it out alive are very, very slim.
Oh what rapture filled me to the core
when I sensed the swarm high tailing it toward me like a bunch of sex
starved lunatics! This was it, my date with destiny!
We were joined and thus became the start of Me! Me, Me, Me! Happy Birthday to Me!
We were joined and thus became the start of Me! Me, Me, Me! Happy Birthday to Me!
In the course of a man’s life it is
estimated that he manufactures and releases at least 20 trillion
sperm. A woman is born with somewhere around 400,000 potential eggs in her body,
0.1% of which, approximately 400, will mature and be dropped during
her fertile years, the rest degenerate and are reabsorbed after
waiting in futility all those thirty some odd years to be chosen.
The chances that the manufacture and
release of that one sperm would coincide with the release of that one
egg which together define me are astronomical, especially if
combined with the probability that that sperm would reach and
penetrate that egg. Add again to this the probability of that
new replicating cell finding a foothold to plant itself, and coming to term, without accident or incident, and you have a
very mind spinning figure.
If another sperm other then mine had
beat me to it, or had another egg dropped other than mine you wouldn't be reading this, because I wouldn't be writing it.
(Maybe you’re rooting for another combination at this point?).
However, it’s interesting to consider what would have happened had another beat me to the punch. If so, my other half (the egg) would have survived, yet this new pairing would make another unique person, and in that person would be expressed some of the traits held within my egg half. Each pairing is unique, like holding two computer punch cards together and seeing where the holes correspond. This intruder sperm may block out many of my egg traits, or it may allow some that my sperm would not, thus creating an individual quite unique and different from me. This other person may look and act a bit like me in some ways, but they would not be me, they would be them. I would have joined the ranks of the infinitesimal failures that died off, never to exist at all...the kicker is trying to mentally perceive all the viable combinations. I have a feeling that each coupling of two humans only has so many viable combinations - their eggs and sperm are keyed together to only produce a closed set of possible compatible combos...but then you're left calculating the chance of your parents meeting each other. Possiblities only continue to unravel as you add the defining elements.
Knowing this - Any failure or disappointment I face in the here and now of this life is paltry and pale compared to the ominous failure I overcame in the here before. At least with these failures I have the luxury of trying again and again to get it right.
However, it’s interesting to consider what would have happened had another beat me to the punch. If so, my other half (the egg) would have survived, yet this new pairing would make another unique person, and in that person would be expressed some of the traits held within my egg half. Each pairing is unique, like holding two computer punch cards together and seeing where the holes correspond. This intruder sperm may block out many of my egg traits, or it may allow some that my sperm would not, thus creating an individual quite unique and different from me. This other person may look and act a bit like me in some ways, but they would not be me, they would be them. I would have joined the ranks of the infinitesimal failures that died off, never to exist at all...the kicker is trying to mentally perceive all the viable combinations. I have a feeling that each coupling of two humans only has so many viable combinations - their eggs and sperm are keyed together to only produce a closed set of possible compatible combos...but then you're left calculating the chance of your parents meeting each other. Possiblities only continue to unravel as you add the defining elements.
Knowing this - Any failure or disappointment I face in the here and now of this life is paltry and pale compared to the ominous failure I overcame in the here before. At least with these failures I have the luxury of trying again and again to get it right.
That is why I celebrate this day most
of all, my birthday - the nascence of Me. I made it. I am alive,
unique and unreplicateable (for now). What a miracle it is that I
made it. Sure you may say, “If not me or you than someone else
would have come along to take our places - life happens, that’s no
great miracle.” But it is a miracle to me, when I consider the
enormous potential that I had for failure, and hence nonexistence.
By the odds I was so heavily destined to fail.
But I didn't fail. I beat the odds
and won the rights and privileges of life. I exist - isn't that the best gift ever?
What a prize! What a treasure! Who
gives a damn if there’s nothing beyond death, we've all made it
past the black void of nonexistence. That alone should be reward
enough. Kingdom come is here, and now, this very moment. This is life and joy to be had in abundance.
Abandoning faith, but not hope, in the promises of an infinite tomorrow, I am resolved to live and appreciate the blessings and joys of this life for which my better halves so precariously fought. Be things as they may in that bigger picture no one is allowed to see, I will not fear punishment, nor annihilation, for I will have lived happily and well - this is my intent.
And hopefully on my way I will also pass on a part of me to others, both of my physical self and through the interaction and words I share. In this way I live most assuredly in perpetuity. In this way I pierce my individuality again into that egg, now the egg of time, and the egg of others, which is the other part of future me. So doing, I fertilize the future with the expression of me, and my perpetuity is assured one way or both.
All of creation is one big scream crying to be heard and dying to express itself, so why should I be any different. I am me, I am a winner, I am alive - the greatest victory of all! Expression! Happy Birthday Everyone!
Abandoning faith, but not hope, in the promises of an infinite tomorrow, I am resolved to live and appreciate the blessings and joys of this life for which my better halves so precariously fought. Be things as they may in that bigger picture no one is allowed to see, I will not fear punishment, nor annihilation, for I will have lived happily and well - this is my intent.
And hopefully on my way I will also pass on a part of me to others, both of my physical self and through the interaction and words I share. In this way I live most assuredly in perpetuity. In this way I pierce my individuality again into that egg, now the egg of time, and the egg of others, which is the other part of future me. So doing, I fertilize the future with the expression of me, and my perpetuity is assured one way or both.
All of creation is one big scream crying to be heard and dying to express itself, so why should I be any different. I am me, I am a winner, I am alive - the greatest victory of all! Expression! Happy Birthday Everyone!
Author's Note:
Some may take issue with my little
story because they hold to the idea that each of us has an eternal
soul and that soul exist independent of a body. This “eternal soul”
concept also includes the idea that we are all destined to be born
according to some eternal plan. They would claim, “Your soul could
been placed into any body and you would still be you.” However, with all
my studies in biology, human psychology, and genetics I cannot except
this ;)
Each person is uniquely who they are largely due to genetic coding and also their growth environment. It is all very tenuous. We must consider the compelling idea that our existence is not guaranteed, but the simple byproduct of chaos and chance. Some might say, “You evil materialistic determinist, genes don’t determine who I am - I determine who I am. You can’t contain me in your genetic wrapping paper, or plot the course of my life according to your gene maps.” To that I would say of course not, nothing as complex as human development is predictable or predetermined. If the miracle of creation we observe in the cosmos has taught us anything, it teaches ever so strongly the precept of chaos and chance. Nothing is rigid or nailed down, nothing appears determined, everything floats about in a chaotic spin of entities and interactions, possibilities combining and colliding according to natural laws. It would take one of supreme intelligence, a magna cum laud Ph.D. multi- black belt mega-genius, to be able to look into all this chaos and predict or determine anything. Maybe this is who we call God. Maybe in some strange and mysterious way my spirit guides or keys which egg will drop and which sperm will meet it. Maybe it is all guided by God.
Each person is uniquely who they are largely due to genetic coding and also their growth environment. It is all very tenuous. We must consider the compelling idea that our existence is not guaranteed, but the simple byproduct of chaos and chance. Some might say, “You evil materialistic determinist, genes don’t determine who I am - I determine who I am. You can’t contain me in your genetic wrapping paper, or plot the course of my life according to your gene maps.” To that I would say of course not, nothing as complex as human development is predictable or predetermined. If the miracle of creation we observe in the cosmos has taught us anything, it teaches ever so strongly the precept of chaos and chance. Nothing is rigid or nailed down, nothing appears determined, everything floats about in a chaotic spin of entities and interactions, possibilities combining and colliding according to natural laws. It would take one of supreme intelligence, a magna cum laud Ph.D. multi- black belt mega-genius, to be able to look into all this chaos and predict or determine anything. Maybe this is who we call God. Maybe in some strange and mysterious way my spirit guides or keys which egg will drop and which sperm will meet it. Maybe it is all guided by God.
Many of the anti-genetic ilk feel and
profess that God knows the beginning from the end, and yet they don’t
label him a materialistic determinist. Being omniscient as he is, he
must understand perfectly our genetic coding, (indeed, he would be
the author of it), and must use this “program” to create us.
Peering into the abyss of chaos and probabilities he may have caused (or allowed) all things to coincide perfectly in order to code our spirits into
physical existence.
What we do from there is up to us. Who knows how it all works? For some strange reason many people’s concept of themselves is totally detached from their cognitive rational brain, yet the brain is the organ of the mind. It is where all the thought, logic, preferences, tastes, impressions, perception, attitudes, aptitudes and abilities originate. Don’t all these thing comprise a personality? In this physical world you cannot be you without full function of your brain. Without a brain, the you that is you simply ceases to exist, or gets very confused and lost. Just ask anyone with progressed Alzheimer’s, or anyone who has pierced the darkness. :D
What we do from there is up to us. Who knows how it all works? For some strange reason many people’s concept of themselves is totally detached from their cognitive rational brain, yet the brain is the organ of the mind. It is where all the thought, logic, preferences, tastes, impressions, perception, attitudes, aptitudes and abilities originate. Don’t all these thing comprise a personality? In this physical world you cannot be you without full function of your brain. Without a brain, the you that is you simply ceases to exist, or gets very confused and lost. Just ask anyone with progressed Alzheimer’s, or anyone who has pierced the darkness. :D
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| Thru The Blue |
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