WarGlorial Day

Today I am reminded, not so much of people who died and all the horrific ways that can happen, as much as I'm reminded what a terrible holiday Memorial Day can be when you see the bones beneath the skin, and hear the pervasive divisive messages that it broadcasts.  It has an unctuous dark oily side that lubricates the great machine that many don't see.  

It has morphed innocuously into road trips, outings, picnics and barbecues with family and friends, sometimes after the Easter egg hunt for cemetery gravestones. But it was in purity intended to honor the men and women of the armed forces who have died during times of conflict and war.  In doing this, realizing the depth of sadness and loss, it becomes almost impossible not to slip into a mode of thinking which justifies and celebrates the cause which took them, in an unbalanced way.

I'm certainly for honoring the lives of people who have tried to make the world a better place and have given their lives for that goal.  But at the same time I seriously question that the end always justifies the means, and if those means really succeeded in making anything better (the end), or if they just furthered that ageless status quo of divisiveness and conflict which causes more war and more woe.  It's even under question if the end itself was a valid goal - was our vision for their home worth the cost of remodeling it for them? We were never hired as a contractor, decorator, or consultant. Each side in a conflict fights for their vision/version of "better". We are now a world more militant and divided, certainly more armed.  When all you have is a gun (rock, club, spear) everything looks like a target. Speaking of "armed" it's postulated that our ability to throw things as early hominids (starting with rocks) is what gave us advantage over both predators and prey.

There are certainly still "predators" in the world; unfortunately they are primarily other humans. I'd rather be honorably eaten by a lion, or mauled at the zoo by a gorilla than betrayed by a bullet.  I'd even rather be eaten to help keep another human alive, than be killed simply because they disagreed with me and mine, and my way of life. 

Looking at the machine of nature maybe it's this mechanism of infighting that keeps our population, the top predators who've established themselves soundly outside the food chain, in check. Besides the weather (unfavorable environmental events), accidents, and life threatening microbes, the only other element we need to fear is ourselves.  We are our own worst enemy ... and we celebrate this mindset, mostly subliminally, every year by glorifying and justifying war to feel better about its devastation.  It's all about US, killing THEM (the villainous deserving) and THEM killing US (the heroic undeserving), and each side is the us in their own minds.  How much do we consider the people who died fighting for their country and cause, and their families left behind?  Do we consider that they may have been  wonderful and worthwhile people too?   They led lives of love and left loved ones too, know this!  Seldom does empathy extend beyond our borders, especially if it invalidates our ideology, or makes our actions less defensible.

A kid, after hurting another kid, will often spout the defense, "he... started it, asked for it, made me do it, had it coming!"  This might be true in many cases, but what is also true in many is that the retaliation was way over the top when compared to the offense.  The first recourse usually sought is the one most violent (escalation is natural in ego).  As we mature we realize there are other ways and better ways to handle a problem, and solutions are situational, not universal. 

Is some fighting just?  Hell yes!  Acts of invasion and violent aggression must be stopped. But, learning the lesson of escalation, the counter-blow is perceived far worse from the receiving end than it is from the dealing end. When each side seeks retribution according to that basic perception = escalation. 

Will we ever fully escape conflict and fighting? Hell no! We are trapped in this hell of conflict wherever we go.  But we should strive to lessen it, seek the best solutions, and refrain from glorifying it. Obviously ... right?   We should also remember that justice has a strong tendency to mean "just us".  In this sense justice is truly blind. We are all just in our own minds.  Much like the cries of children, "That's not fair", when it is nothing but fair, we tend to see justice only when it serves us. Like perceiving the gifts we get as inferior to those received (held) by others.  This is striving.  This is one upmanship. This is ego.

Change is best achieved from the inside out, rather than from the outside in.  When we externalize and blame our surroundings and our enemies we take away our own power.

The modern memorial message is mostly that rather than look back, and inward, with regret and sadness, we do better looking on and outward with bravado, validation, and cheer.  This is how we ameliorate the tragedy of war - with sentiments of patriotism and nationalism that reinforce that we were engaged in a just cause.  When saying, "Long live the heroes of war!", if not careful we are also saying long live war and division. "We were awesome, they sucked!" This is the language of justification, fueled by fear.

Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering - Yoda

Our heroes of war may have certainly been doing something very good and noble in trying to stop horrific crimes against humanity, typically led by an ego-maniacal sociopath.  They did what they could, most valiantly, within a machine of war not designed for the best response, which would be the fewest casualties and collateral damages.

The question becomes, must misdirected blanketed violence against a whole group of people always be answered with that same kind of violence?  We know that this response will only cohere the group, justify their hatred, and increase the divide.  The means to achieve the end of violence and aggression cannot be the very same violence and aggression.   You can fight fire with fire, but not with the same kind of fire.  Burning down someone's house because they burnt down yours is hypocritical.   It is the over reaction of children, "He did it first, so he deserved it."  No matter how justified, you are still guilty of the same crime, and nothing was made any better, it was made worse.  Typically too, the retribution was worse than the offense (not only did you burn down the house you killed their cow to teach them a lesson). Nothing was learned either, even with parity of actions, since each party seeks to justify their behavior first, with there likely being earlier offenses that caused the each party to light each match with justification.  Anything returned to us was undeserved, and anything given back was well deserved.

War and division may be an inseparable part of being human and forming groups.  If so, foolish would be the notion of it ever going away ... but maybe we humans can evolve.  I hear some people assert quite convincingly that we have already ... maybe we can keep doing it. At worst we can bomb ourselves back into caves, into underground bunkers, a kind of perverted modern day cavemen.

When I "celebrate" Memorial Day I remember the fallen with a heart full of regret and disappointment for humanity ... and with a hope that someday this day will be about remembering who and how we were back then, when we waged insanity against each other. A day to remember our mistakes, and the lessons that war taught us so many times and so many years ago - that all life has value and causes a great wake of sadness when lost, especially when betrayed by a bullet.  

... And that there really is no loss; when we stop clinging so hard to death, then we can truly live (and die) at will and in peace, happiness, and understanding.