If you and your circus side-show really mattered to a person in your presence, and that person mattered to you, you would naturally "tune-in" with them, and so I don't think you'd be so clueless as to be overly, or inappropriately happy in their presence. Sociopaths lack empathy and real connection with others you know.
And I think they, that sad sack person, would tune in with you. Happiness is contagious, just like sadness. If I were having a tug of war, I'd let happiness win every time ... even though sadness is stronger sometimes and needs to be recognized and dealt with, happiness has more players on its team and wins more trophies. And they, this person blessed to be in your happy presence, might learn a thing or two from watching you, and seeing how you deal with disappointment, rejection, failure, and loss ... We all experience these things. If we're being honest, we all suck eggs every once and while. The universe slaps everyone, on a regular basis.
As for strangers in the crowd, or those strangers-barely-knowns that breathe, work, and walk among you? Stuff them! They don't know you, and you are not beholden to them for their current state, be that physical, financial, nor of mood or mental. Don't curtail your joy, just because someone might take offense. Of all the foolish thinking. Isn't this giving "sad people" your power? Never show your happiness around a sad person!? Really? And just how in the hell am I supposed to know who is really sad since many people are so good at hiding that?
Most people are pros at hiding their feelings, and their inner demons, especially in public. Most of the time when someone offs themselves, it's at the complete surprise of those who knew them ... and if we're that good at hiding our true thoughts and emotions from the people we know, just imagine how good we are at hiding our innermost selves from strangers. Am I expected to be a mind reader? No! No, I think this little aphorism squelches happiness. I won't be afraid to be happy if I'm really happy, and maybe the sad person can catch some kind of contact high. And if not, maybe in my glee I'll trip or spill something, and then they can enjoy their brain's delectable serving of Schadenfreude - the pleasure experienced at the mishaps or failings of others, especially those you envy or dislike. I can be the fool in their mind, and that label helps them explain it. "He's too stupid not to be happy!", they'll say in their minds. "Of course he's happy; he's a fool". Well guess who the joke is really on, Crappy Pants?!
I think this thought is especially damaging to empaths, who already are so in touch and affected by other's thoughts and moods, that it often feels like they get stuck in a vibe that is not their frequency when around others. And sentiments like this one, teach people that they are entitled to other people giving a shit about them ... No, that's your job, and no one else's.
Of course I may be speaking as an orphan in the moment, because of course a Parent's job is to care for and about their children... but even that, we call it a job, a responsibility, a duty you are beholden and behooved to perform.
Yeah, what about all the people, who couldn't really give a fuck about me? What about all those 7.7 Billion people? Should I expect people who don't know me, (and who really knows me but me, right?) to be interested in my mood, or anything about me or my life. For god's sake, NO! Nope, I am cutting the strings of false expectations, and setting my boundaries. I have given too much of myself to past relationships, %100. And then when they left, and/or used me, I felt so betrayed. I felt so devalued. I had allowed myself to be used by giving everything they wanted and more. After some time, it became not good enough (the new normal). I was never enough to fill them with EVERYTHING they needed.
You cannot be everything to anybody. All you can do is be you. Nobody will ever love you as much as you love you, or understand you as you do. Do you ever feel that way? Is this a test for Narcissim? lol! But think about it... In order to truly love a thing, you need to understand it, even the unflattering stuff. And the more you understand it, the more your profession of love means. And who really knows you as well as you know you? So therefore, who should love you more, you, or someone else? Of course, you should love you more. There is no shame in this. This is what it means to be well balanced. You need to find the center of your gravity. And your gravity is the core of you, not around others.
No, I'm not giving myself, my core, away completely ever again. I'm saving some for me next time. I'm also setting boundaries about how much, and when I will help people without the same in return - I'm climbing on board the reciprocity wagon, full speed ahead.
I am all alone in the world at present, and it's been a really hard thing to do. It's taught me the importance of self care, and the confidence that I can do it all alone. It's been hard, yes, but at least I have my cat....walking in front of the screen while I'm trying to type this... She's a nice cat, but I'll bet even she would stop coming around if I stopped feeding her. I am open to the idea that I am FEELING all alone, because I have been living alone in the house I built for my family, since our divorce, and since my mother died. I may be feeling more alone than I actually am. I have friends that come over sometimes. I visit my nephew and have some really good conversations and times with him, and absolutely love his son Drake (My great nephew). I have my kids who come over on the weekends. Dad has pretty much established an open door policy every weekend, without compulsion. So yeah, I'd probably lose my cat if I stopped feeding her. Seems everything has a price, and meow mix is freakin $13.50 for a small bag!
Is that what I need to do, so as not to be alone, feed people? Should I start inviting my friends out to dinner on me? Do I need to pay for friends? They, and my family, have enough friends and family and other obligations without even beginning to include me. I know my kids would stop coming around if life at Dad's became boring or no longer the shang-ra- la it currently is. So, everything seems right now that if I want it, I need to pay for it. Every little fucking thing has a price, even companionship.
Speaking of little fucking things, Tracy is behaving quite weird, not answering my calls, and being very terse in texts. I wonder if she's happy with that status-quo. I think she is. She freaked really hard about not being in control in our relationship, and I think she's a control freak. I think she feels in control of the situation now, keeping me outside the fence. I think I need to leave her %100 ... after I get my trailer back. I've just had to face the fact that we human apes are a tit for tat species. Well, I'm tired of giving tat, and I need more tit! Reciprocity goes both ways man. I need unconditional love from another human being, and I need that love also in the form of physical touch. I know that may sound a bit kinky, but I mean hugs, and hand holding, and caressing and rubbing. Basically grooming and attention from a fellow chimp. It's a shame we (or I guess I should say, People like me) can only have this intimacy delivered from the opposite sex, and then that exclusively. Maybe I should go off and live with the bonobos. 😐
Well, the cat is sitting between my arms as I try to type this, with her big fat head in the way, so I guess it's time to go and hug my cat ... and feed her.
Take care of yourself, because when it really comes down to it, that's your job, and sometimes your job alone.
I am all alone in the world at present, and it's been a really hard thing to do. It's taught me the importance of self care, and the confidence that I can do it all alone. It's been hard, yes, but at least I have my cat....walking in front of the screen while I'm trying to type this... She's a nice cat, but I'll bet even she would stop coming around if I stopped feeding her. I am open to the idea that I am FEELING all alone, because I have been living alone in the house I built for my family, since our divorce, and since my mother died. I may be feeling more alone than I actually am. I have friends that come over sometimes. I visit my nephew and have some really good conversations and times with him, and absolutely love his son Drake (My great nephew). I have my kids who come over on the weekends. Dad has pretty much established an open door policy every weekend, without compulsion. So yeah, I'd probably lose my cat if I stopped feeding her. Seems everything has a price, and meow mix is freakin $13.50 for a small bag!
Is that what I need to do, so as not to be alone, feed people? Should I start inviting my friends out to dinner on me? Do I need to pay for friends? They, and my family, have enough friends and family and other obligations without even beginning to include me. I know my kids would stop coming around if life at Dad's became boring or no longer the shang-ra- la it currently is. So, everything seems right now that if I want it, I need to pay for it. Every little fucking thing has a price, even companionship.
Speaking of little fucking things, Tracy is behaving quite weird, not answering my calls, and being very terse in texts. I wonder if she's happy with that status-quo. I think she is. She freaked really hard about not being in control in our relationship, and I think she's a control freak. I think she feels in control of the situation now, keeping me outside the fence. I think I need to leave her %100 ... after I get my trailer back. I've just had to face the fact that we human apes are a tit for tat species. Well, I'm tired of giving tat, and I need more tit! Reciprocity goes both ways man. I need unconditional love from another human being, and I need that love also in the form of physical touch. I know that may sound a bit kinky, but I mean hugs, and hand holding, and caressing and rubbing. Basically grooming and attention from a fellow chimp. It's a shame we (or I guess I should say, People like me) can only have this intimacy delivered from the opposite sex, and then that exclusively. Maybe I should go off and live with the bonobos. 😐
Well, the cat is sitting between my arms as I try to type this, with her big fat head in the way, so I guess it's time to go and hug my cat ... and feed her.
Take care of yourself, because when it really comes down to it, that's your job, and sometimes your job alone.
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