No Regrets?

Over the course of everyone's life they're dealt a handful of regrets.  Some encounter more disappointments than others, but life has plenty for all.

I often hear people proudly state that they have none, "I have no regrets in my life, my mistakes made me who I am."  
I can see that angle.  Yet this statement bugs me.  It feels a little like denial, or the inability to admit error. My life is just the one I need. My choices made me who I am. It feels proud and egotistical. Like saying, "No flies on me".  

It's a common human trait to have a strong aversion to correction or admitting error, and maybe this attitude is just an extension of that thinking. I think this denial of regret is just another manifestation of the human inability to admit that things go wrong in my life and they're not always good. The inability to admit that, "My choices or thinking is not always good". We'd rather believe in our charmed fate, like everything that happens to us good or bad is part of some sort of divine destined path.
Maybe it's simply putting a positive spin on the typical stuff that happens to everyone.

Every regret is not always a mistake.

Like a game of poker, life is a gamble, and we don't control the cards we're dealt.  We really have no idea what we're going to get, but we do try to make the best choices with what we're dealt, and put on our poker face.  Many times our bluffed bravado blazing boldly forward with a bad hand is our undoing ... sometimes it works.   Sometimes we underestimate our chances with a mediocre or good hand and foolishly fold.  At any rate, I think this statement of No Regrets is often a poker face, at least.  And at worst, it may be a sign of some degree of psychopathy or sociopathy.  They have no regrets/remorse either.

So, like everything, there is a healthy middle to acknowledging mistakes and showing at least a little bit of remorse.

Speculating on the past, although having the potential to be very informative and instructional, is fraught with the woulda-shoulda-coulda, if only's, that halt our forward progress, and our living in the moment of what is today, and what we can make happen in the near future.   The trouble with this is that the future of every choice is hinged on the present moment's choices, and all we really have is the present.  We do the best we know how at the current moment.  There is no golden ticket with choices. Each decision made in the present, is wrapped with our current place in time and understanding, and the chock full of unforeseeable consequences and pathways.  There are no perfect choices.  Everything has a flip-side.

My mother's life story was often filled with regret about who she married, and the what-ifs of how her life would have been if she had chosen another suitor who was wooing her at the time.  She had a few at the time she chose to marry my father.  The most prominent one I remember, is a man named Rodger.  Rodger proposed to her and she took his ring over to my not then Dad and tried to influence his decision toward her.  She obviously loved my dad more (although she would say she fell in love with his family, all a bunch of beautiful happy sisters whom she loved to be around). No, she married my dad, who as it was turned out to be gay. After 32 years of marriage and 6 children, he came out.  I've analyzed the dynamics of why my mother chose my father, and I think it had a lot to do with her mother's love and acceptance - she claimed it was a rarefied thing.

I think this too can be a bad thing, obsessing about the past and trying to make it different than it was - a useless activity.  I think it's good to reminisce and think about your past only in the effort of the joy of remembering, and also to help you steer yourself into the future, hopefully avoiding the mistakes made back there ... self correction.

Typical Regrets:
Relationships that go sour... marrying the wrong person.
Staying in a sour/bad relationship too long
Doing anything you don't find fulfilling too long
Sacrificing for unappreciative undeserving people
Helping people that use and abuse you, and take advantage
Career choices
Believing the stories and lies of a religion/organization
Not being kind or more involved with someone who has died
Not going to college, or pursuing a wrong suited degree
Not applying yourself to education when it was free
Being responsible for someone's pain, hurt, downfall, or demise

I'd rather be told the bold and even hurtful truth than remain stuck in my own  ignorant delusions.  But sometimes it's our delusions that keep us going ... sometimes it's our positive talk that fuels our fantasies, and our fantasies, when grounded, become some form of our reality.

I would deny no one their fantasies, those of escape, and those of a better future, as long as they are within the bounds of basic human dignity toward others.  I just post stuff like this to help myself think, and be honest, and hopefully you too.

You see, in my own self-inspection I have found that my biggest fear is that other people are thoughtless, self-centered, deceitful narcissistic sociopaths, and so someone saying something like, "I have no regrets."  sends up a huge red flag.

So, I guess, at worst, the takeaway here is that this could be seen as advice to sociopaths/psychopaths, to stop saying that. You're giving yourself away! ... also, while you're at it, stop lying. :)